I didn’t know why it was so hard to force those words out of my mouth, but it felt strange, like I was cracking through something in order to say it. The doctor made an affirming sound and flipped through a few pages of the chart.
“While you were still unconscious, we performed an ultrasound to check on the baby. It’s a good thing you already went to the doctor or we wouldn’t have known. From what we see, everything is perfectly fine with the pregnancy. The baby is growing and healthy. It looks great for the gestational age and does not seem to have had any negative effects from the accident,” the doctor said.
I watched Noah as the doctor talked about the baby, waiting to see some sort of emotion go across his face. When the doctor was finished and walked out of the room, Noah let out a breath I couldn’t quite figure out. I didn’t know if that was a sigh of relief or something more resigned. Either way, I knew we needed to talk.
When it first happened, I thought I could handle that being the end of it with Noah. He could just turn his back on me, and I would figure this whole thing out by myself. In fact, that was what I was doing. I was headed to my parents’ house to think things through and relax for a little while, and even though I’d told Derek I would be back in a few days, there was a thought in the back of my mind that I might not be.
My parents were receptive to me going home and letting them help me through my pregnancy and with the baby when it was born. Taking them up on that offer would reduce my stress, let me save money, and help me to overcome all the challenges and awkwardness here. It would mean I had to give up my position at the vineyard, but I couldn’t imagine a sous chef getting knocked up by the brother of her boss was standing on terribly stable ground in the employment department anyway.
At least moving to be with my parents would help give me some semblance of a fresh start.
But now after experiencing the accident and the fear that came over me when I woke up and realized what happened, I knew that wasn’t enough. The thought of losing the baby had terrified me, and the first thing that went through my mind was wanting to call Noah.
The discomfort at seeing him come into the hospital room was only because I didn’t know how he felt about me or the baby. My feelings were something I’d tried to chase away, tried not to acknowledge, but now couldn’t push out of my mind. Lying there in the hospital bed, I wished he was there with me.
Pretending he wasn’t a part of this wasn’t going to work. Neither was running away to my parents’ house. I owed it to myself, and to the baby, to at least try. To see if Noah might want to be a part of his child’s life.
Noah and my eyes met, and I saw Derek look back and forth between us. Reading the room, he backed toward the door.
“I’m going to run and get you some ginger ale. It will help your nausea,” he said.
He slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him. When he was gone, Noah walked over to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair pulled up close to my side. He didn’t say anything but just gazed at me for several long seconds.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to start, and I was glad when he finally did.
“I’m sorry,” he said. There was no hesitation in his voice, no reluctance to openly apologize. “I handled this whole situation wrong. It was definitely a shock, but there’s no excuse for what I did.”
He stopped there, and I nodded.
“I’m sorry too. I should have waited and told you first. Then you wouldn’t have had to overhear it like that. As soon as I found out, I should have come to you and we could have talked about it,” I said.
“You have the right to talk to about a situation like this with your best friend,” Noah said. “But I do wish I’d found out differently.”
Then he surprised me by reaching out and taking my hand. Our fingers intertwined, and I felt tension in my muscles release. Maybe this whole mess had the potential to be okay.
I called my parents and told them what had happened. My mother made immediate plans to head down, but I asked her to hold off. Noah and I needed some time to figure things out on our own. I promised to call her often and to let her know right away if I needed her.