“Fuck,” I bit out and then I was grabbing my keys off the counter. I hung up on Phoenix as I reached for the door. I ripped it open only to find Tristan on the other side, his fist raised as if he’d been about to knock. Tears were streaking down his face and I realized at some point it must have started to rain outside because his hair was wet and there were dots of water all over his clothes.
Tristan didn’t wait for an invitation. He pushed past me, his agitation clear. I quickly dialed Phoenix and stayed on the line only long enough to tell him Tristan was with me and then I tossed the phone on the counter separating the kitchen from the living room.
“Please,” Tristan said in a rush as he turned to face me. “Please don’t…please don’t stop being my friend!” he blurted out.
That was the last thing I expected him to say. “Tristan-”
“I’m sorry I kissed you!” he said in a rush. “It just…it felt so good and I got carried away and I didn’t even think about that you might not want me.”
“Tristan-” I tried again, but before I could even move, Tristan was in my space, his hands pressed against my chest. He was almost frantic with fear.
“Please, Memphis. I can’t lose you too!”
“Tristan, take a deep breath, okay?” I said softly as I lifted my hands to rub his upper arms in the hopes of calming him down.
He dropped his forehead against my chest. “None of them wanted to be near me when they found out I was sick,” he whispered.
“Who?”
Tristan lifted his head enough to look at me. He’d calmed down somewhat, but he looked so broken that I just wanted to drag him into my arms and never let him go.
“The kids at school.”
“In New York?” I asked.
He nodded and used his sleeve to wipe at his face. “I came back from Christmas and everything was different. Some of the kids who I thought were my friends looked at me like I was a monster. They didn’t want to touch anything after I’d touched it. They kept saying I had AIDS and I was going to give it to everyone else. They said I hid it from them on purpose.”
Tristan stepped back from me and I immediately missed the contact with him.
“But I didn’t,” he whispered. “I was so used to the people in my family not caring about it, that I never gave it much thought. It was just a normal part of my life. But then I started dating this guy right after Thanksgiving. He was my roommate’s older brother.”
A wobbly smile flitted across Tristan’s lips as he said, “I was so excited because he was the first guy I’d ever gone out with. I thought he’d help me get over Brennan. He kind of even looked like him.”
The smile fell away. “I didn’t let him kiss me until our fourth date. It…it was okay, but I knew he wanted more because he kept trying to touch me. That’s when I told him.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“He freaked out. He kept wiping at his mouth and he even spit on the ground a couple times,” Tristan choked out. “It was so humiliating. He accused me of lying to him. Called me some names. I guess he told his brother over the Christmas break. When I got back, the whole school knew.”
“I’m sorry, Tristan,” I said as I took a step closer to him.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Tristan said quietly. “I thought you might…I thought you liked me like that.”
I reached Tristan and couldn’t stop myself from putting my hands on him again. “Tristan, I do like you that way and I wanted to kiss you.”
“But, you stopped-”
“I’m seeing someone.”
Tristan’s eyes widened and then he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about that. I’m sorry…”
“You don’t need to apologize,” I said as I ran my fingers through his damp hair and then let them linger on his face. “God, you are so beautiful, Tristan,” I murmured as I let my fingers skim down his throat. Tristan swallowed hard and it was by sheer force of will that I managed to release him. “Brennan’s a lucky man,” I said before stepping back.
Tristan dropped his eyes and shook his head. “Brennan won’t ever see me as anything more than a friend.”
“Tristan,” I said softly. When he looked up at me, I said, “Turn around and tell me if the way he’s looking at you right now has anything to do with friendship.”
Tristan seemed confused at first, but when I put my hands on his shoulders and urged him to turn around, he gasped at the sight of Brennan, who was only wearing his jeans, standing in the bedroom doorway. I hadn’t actually noticed at what point Brennan had woken up and overheard us talking, but I knew from the way he was looking at Tristan that he’d at least heard the part about Tristan trying to use some guy that looked like Brennan to get over him.