I didn't want to have to think about what to do or say. I just wanted to give.
To him.
I wanted him to then give everything back to me.
It made no sense, and that was why I wanted it. It was gray. Hell, it was probably a lot more than just gray. With the way I felt when Xavier was deep inside my body like this, I could only describe it as endless bursts of color.
And we hadn't even really done anything yet.
When he did begin to move, it wasn't the rough, harsh fucking he’d done the night before. He pulled out of me slowly until just the tip of him was holding me open. I tried to shove my ass back, but his hands were holding me firmly. I’d have bruises for sure, and I couldn't wait to see them in the mirror. I could hear people talking on the other side of the barn wall. Dogs were barking, horses were neighing, and farm equipment was being started up. But I simply didn't care. In this tiny little darkened corner, it was just us. I had the feeling that no matter where Xavier and I were, there would always be the feeling of it just being the two of us.
Xavier slowly pushed back into me, filling me with his thickness. I cried out because it felt like I was being split in two. But the burn came right after. That hot, aching burn that started in my ass and spread out to every nerve ending and became the most delicious shivering sensation that made it feel like I was floating. Like I was about to take off to another world, another place.
Xavier pulled out again, and I buried my face in my arm. The scratchy hay hurt my skin, but that just ratcheted up everything I was feeling. Xavier hung there for several long seconds and I wanted to die. The waiting was as painful as the fucking. He drove into me, a little harder this time, and he kept going until it felt like he’d come out of my throat. I could feel tears threatening at how good it felt. I wanted to tell him so, but I was afraid of what those words would do. I wasn't foolish enough to believe that we’d somehow gotten past all the obstacles between us. This was still just a hookup. I’d known that going into this thing.
But I hadn't cared.
I still didn't.
Xavier's weight suddenly came down upon my back and his lips nuzzled my neck. "So fucking tight, Brooks," Xavier murmured. "Like you were made just for me."
I wanted to ask him if maybe I was. But that was one of those off-limits things to say. It was one thing to admit to naughty fantasies that I’d had about him, but it was another thing entirely to take it to a level where it was talk of soulmates and such. And I wasn't there yet either, but I was terrified that I was well on my way. Between my bouts of remembering everything Xavier and I had done the night before, I'd remembered who he was and what he’d done to my family. Those same memories had been peppered with the instances of when he'd been kind to me and how gentle he’d always been with the horses he’d been tasked to take care of. None of it had made any sense. It'd been a whole lot of gray that I hadn't been able to understand and so I’d given up.
"Do you feel it, baby?" Xavier asked as he slowly pulled out before easing back in. Again, at the very end when he pushed in to the root, it felt like he was hitting something inside of me that had been untouched my entire life. It was all I could do not to sob in relief. I nodded my head frantically.
"Say it," Xavier demanded, his voice firm. Never in a million years would I have guessed that I'd want someone who was so dominant. But with Xavier, I craved it. It was part of that gray. I didn't even try to fight it.
"I feel it. I feel it, Xavier. I love it," I added.
Xavier murmured his approval and then sought out my lips. I kissed him as best I could, considering the angle of our bodies and the way his was holding mine down. He thrust into me a few more times, his pace still slow… agonizingly slow.
"Did you think about us last night when you were touching this?" Xavier asked as he ran his lips over the teeth marks he’d left on me.
"Yes," I gasped, because Xavier had chosen that moment to pull out and shove into me in one swift move. The need in my belly was so tight, I could barely breathe. My dick felt like it was going to explode at any moment, but I held out because I knew that was what Xavier would want. And truth be told, I wanted to wait until I felt his essence spilling deep inside me before I took my pleasure. If I went over first, I might miss something. The sounds Xavier made, the way he held me, any words he said that I could hang on to once this was over. I would need them to relive those moments because I knew in my heart I'd never find anyone else that could do this to me.