Choosing Fate (Love in Eden 1.70)

Disappointment was like a living, breathing thing beneath my skin as I held out the leather jacket that was folded carefully over my arms. "I forgot to give this back to you last night," I murmured. "Thank you for letting me borrow it. And thank you for everything else you did for me."

Even to my own ears, my voice sounded wooden and hollow. It seemed to take forever for Zander to reach out and take the jacket from me.

"Everything go okay last night when you got home?"

I knew what he was really asking, so I said, "I think between the two of us, Ted got the message. I'm sure he's already found his next flavor of the week."

"Is that what you think you were to him?"

I shrugged. "I guess I was more like the flavor of the month, but that was only because I wouldn't let him have a lick." It wasn't until I saw Zander's eyebrows lift just a bit that I realized what I'd said. Mortified, I quickly amended, "I don't mean actual lick… lick as in ice cream… as if I were ice cream, you know, because of the flavor thing…"

When Zander smiled at me, I let my words drop off because I was just burying myself deeper and deeper. But surprisingly, I liked knowing he was amused by my little bout of verbal diarrhea.

"You know what I mean," I finally said.

He pretended to grow serious and crossed his arms. "Nope, I don't think I do. I think you need to explain your ice cream metaphor some more." His smile grew even wider and my entire insides lit up with awareness.

"No way," I said with a laugh. "You'll use your evil ways to tongue-tie me some more."

Zander's eyes suddenly dropped to my mouth and that awareness changed into something more. My body grew tight with need and my skin became hypersensitive to my surroundings. My breasts suddenly felt very tight and worst of all, I could feel my underwear getting damp.

This.

This was the reason I'd sought him out again.

I understood what sexual attraction was, but whatever was happening to me right now went so far beyond mere attraction. I'd been attracted to Jackson, and even though we hadn't had an overly active sex life, I’d still always enjoyed being with him. But I'd never craved his touch like I was craving Zander's. It made no sense to me. I'd loved Jackson and I'd been glad to be his wife. We'd known each other since we'd been teenagers.

So why was it that this complete stranger had such a hold on me? Why was I so willing to give to him what I hadn't been willing to give to Ted even after a month of dating? Yes, Ted had been a player and I'd known that, but I literally knew next to nothing about Zander. And yet if he chose to reach for me at that very moment, I'd have happily walked into his arms.

Zander did take a step toward me, but then something seemed to shift in his eyes. He ended up quickly retreating not just one step, but several. Humiliation crawled up my spine. Zander clearly didn't suffer from the same affliction that I did.

"Thanks for bringing this back," Zander said as he held up his jacket.

His tone was even and cool, so I knew I was being dismissed. It shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, especially since rejection was something I was used to. But for some reason, his lack of interest felt like glass was being dragged throughout my insides. I was beyond glad that I hadn't revealed my true reason for coming down to Pete's.

"You're welcome," I stammered even as I struggled to hold back the tears. I turned and began walking quickly back to my car which I'd left parked about a hundred yards from Zander's. We were behind the shop and it was mid-evening, so Pete had already locked up for the night. That meant there was little chance I would run into someone I knew. I just had to make it a little farther and then I could let the tears fall. I was going home to an empty house because Jackson had come that morning to pick up Cameron to take him fishing. So it would be easy enough to wallow and feel sorry for myself and then pick myself back up and go back to being the dependable, quiet Jolene everyone knew me to be.

That was the plan, anyway.

But fate apparently hadn't been made aware of the plan because as soon as I was in my car and turned the key, there was nothing but a clicking sound. I stared at the steering wheel in disbelief for a moment, then turned the key again and hit the gas pedal at the same time.