“Look at me,” he said firmly.
I did and while it didn’t automatically calm me down, just being able to focus on his voice, his touch, helped keep me from tearing out of that room and walking away.
“It’s going to be okay,” Isaac said. “We’re going to take it slow and easy, okay?”
I managed a nod.
“I’m going too, Mad,” Newt announced as he stepped over the barrier that kept the kittens in the corner with him. He handed the kitten he had in his hand to Nolan and said, “Snotrod is lonely. Can you hold him till I get back?”
“Absolutely,” Nolan said. “I won’t let him out of my sight.”
It was then that I realized the kitten area in that corner of the office was empty. Which meant Nolan and Dallas must have managed to find homes for all the kittens except the spindly-looking one in Nolan’s hands.
“You sure you want to come, buddy?” Isaac asked as he took the keys Dallas handed him. I figured that meant we were taking Dallas’s truck, which would at least be a little better than being stuck in Isaac’s tiny tin can of a car.
Newt nodded. He was wearing a simple black soft-padded helmet. “We spit on it,” he announced. Then suddenly he spit in his hand and held it out to me. I didn’t have the heart to explain a spit shake only needed to be done once. I somehow managed to find enough saliva to spit in my uninjured hand and shook Newt’s.
“Okay, we really need to talk about you guys switching to pinkie swears or something,” Isaac said as he snagged a couple of tissues and handed them to each of us. He took my arm and said, “Let’s go.”
Humiliation went through me as we neared the pickup truck and I stopped walking. It was like my body was shutting down.
“Maddox,” Isaac said gently as he closed his fingers around the ones on my uninjured hand. “Just focus on me and Newt, okay? No matter what else, just listen to the sounds of our voices.”
I managed a nod.
To Newt, Isaac said, “Newt, we’re gonna play the I Spy game. Can you explain how it works to Maddox?”
I only half-listened as Newt began explaining the rules. Shame curled through me as Isaac had to do everything for me, including get my seatbelt on and close the passenger door.
“I spy with my little eye something… white,” Newt announced.
Isaac was just climbing into the driver’s seat when Newt spoke, and I tried to listen to him start spouting off guesses, but my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t even feel a bit of pain in my injured hand. It was a sure sign I was on the verge of completely losing it.
“Maddox, baby,” Isaac said softly. The endearment was enough of a surprise that I looked at him. He closed the fingers of his right hand around mine. “Just focus on me, okay?” He leaned across the seat and touched the back of my neck, then whispered into my ear, “You can do this,” then kissed my cheek.
He quickly got the car started and in gear, then his fingers once again wrapped around mine. I tried not to hurt him as I held onto him, but admittedly, it was hard to temper my reaction as the car began moving. The snow in front of me disappeared and was replaced with sand and rock and dirt and a deserted road that had dozens and dozens of tire tracks on it.
The steering wheel felt comforting beneath my fingers. As a senior officer, I rarely drove, so it was a nice change of pace. And we’d just finished our last mission, so I was willing to break protocol this one time.
After all, we were going home.
But as I turned onto the road, something in my belly tightened. My guys were joking and laughing in the Humvee, even as they kept their eyes on our surroundings, and I had no doubt the guys in the vehicle behind us were doing the same. I tried to ignore the lead weight in my gut, but as it grew worse, I reached for the radio.
I listened as my commanding officer reassured me the road had just been swept for IEDs. I wanted to argue, but the need to respect senior leadership was ingrained deep within me, so I ended the call and put my foot on the gas.
And then my body was flying through the air and everything was dark.
I couldn’t stop the pounding.
Thunk…
Thunk…
Thunk…
“…pink.”
The word caught my attention. There was nothing pink out here. We were in hell. There was no such thing as color in hell. The only bright color in this godforsaken place was blood.