Marah shrugged. “The kids in the group are pretty messed up. ”
“You think it’s going to help you?”
“No. And I don’t want to see Dr. Bloom again, either. Can we cancel tomorrow’s appointment? I mean, what’s the point?”
Tully took a sip of her hot cocoa and then leaned over and set her cup on the nightstand. “I’m not going to lie to you, Marah,” she said at last. “Real-world relationship advice has never been my strong suit, but maybe if I had learned how to deal with things at your age I wouldn’t be as screwed up as I am now. ”
“You really think talking to a stranger and sitting around with a bunch of crazies in a moldy basement will help me?” The minute she said crazies, she thought about the guy, Paxton, and the way he looked at her.
“Maybe. ”
Marah looked at Tully. “But it’s therapy, Tully. Therapy. And I … can’t talk about her. ”
“Yeah,” Tully said quietly. “But here’s the thing, kiddo. Your mom asked me to watch out for you and that’s what I’m going to do. I was her best friend from the David Cassidy years to the second George Bush years. She’s the voice in my head. And I know what she would say now. ”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t give up, baby girl. ”
Marah heard her mother’s voice in those few words. She knew Tully was right—that was what her mom would say now—but she wasn’t strong enough to try. What if she tried and failed? What then?
* * *
The next day, her dad was set to arrive. Marah couldn’t stop pacing. She chewed her fingernails until they bled. And then, finally, he was there, walking into Tully’s beautiful condominium, giving Marah an uncertain smile.
“Hey, Dad. ” She should have been happy, but seeing him made her think of her mom and all that had been lost. No wonder she’d been unhappy for so long.
“How are you?” he said, approaching her warily, pulling her into an awkward hug.
What should she say? He wanted a lie. I’m fine. She glanced at Tully, who was uncharacteristically quiet. “Better,” she said at last.
“I’ve found someone in Los Angeles, a doctor who specializes in teens who are in trouble,” Dad said. “He can see you on Monday. ”
“But I have my second appointment with Dr. Bloom today,” Marah said.
“I know, and I’m glad she could step in, but you need to see someone regularly,” he said. “At home. ”
Marah smiled shakily. If he guessed how vulnerable she felt right now it would only hurt him more. But one thing she knew now for sure: she couldn’t go back to Los Angeles with him.
“I like Dr. Bloom,” she said. “And the group is kind of lame, but I don’t mind. ”
Dad frowned. “But she’s in Seattle. This doctor in L. A. —”
“I want to stay here for the summer, Dad. Live with Tully. I like Dr. Bloom. ” She turned to Tully, who looked thunderstruck. “Can I live here for the summer? I’ll keep seeing Dr. Bloom twice a week. Maybe it will help. ”
“Are you kidding me?” Dad said. “Tully is no chaperone. ”
Marah dug in her heels. Suddenly she was certain: this was what she wanted. “I’m not eleven anymore, Dad. I’m eighteen and I’ll be starting the UW in September anyway. This way I’ll be able to make new friends and see my old ones. ” She went to him. “Please?”
Tully said, “I think—”
“I know what you think,” Dad snapped. “You were the one who thought it was perfectly okay for her to go to a Nine Inch Nails concert when she was fourteen. You also encouraged modeling in New York when she was in eighth grade. ”
Marah looked up at him. “I need some distance, Dad. ”
She saw the war going on within him—he wasn’t ready to let her go, but he saw that she wanted this. Maybe even that she needed it.
“This is a bad idea,” he said to Tully. “You can’t even keep plants alive. And you know jack shit about kids. ”