It hurt too much to look at him, so she closed her eyes. "I think Ill go to sleep. "
"Oh. Okay. Mom and I are going school shopping anyway. Do you need anything?"
School. Shed forgotten all about that.
"No. "
He kissed her cheek then, touched her face. "Ill be back after dinner. "
She finally looked at him. "Okay. "
"I love you," he said.
It was that, after all of it, that made her cry.
IN ROOM 507, ANGIE SAT IN A THICK WOODEN ROCKING chair, waiting.
Conlan sat in the chair next to her. Every few minutes he looked at his watch, but he didnt say anything.
"Shes changed her mind," Angie finally whispered. Someone had to say it.
"We dont know that," he said, but she heard in his voice that he agreed.
The clock ticked again. And again.
The door opened suddenly. A nurse dressed in orange stepped into the room. She was holding a small blue-blanketed bundle. "Mr. and Mrs. Malone?"
"Thats us," Conlan said, rising. His voice was strained.
The nurse walked over to Angie and gently placed the tiny blue bundle in her arms, then she left them alone.
He was beautiful: tiny and pink, with his face all scrunched up like a fist. A few strands of red hair clung damply to his pointed head. His little lips looked for something to suck.
Angie felt as if she were falling headlong, tumbling. All the love shed been trying to rein in came flooding out. She kissed his velvet-soft cheek, smelled the sweetness of his skin. "Oh, Con," she whispered, her eyes stinging. "He looks just like Lauren. "
"I dont know what to feel," Conlan said after a minute.
Angie heard the confusion in his voice, the inchoate pain of a loss he feared was coming, and for once, she was the strong one. She looked at him. "Feel me," she said, touching his hand. "Im steady. Im here. And no matter what, were going to be okay. "
THIRTY-TWO
LAUREN MADE IT A WHOLE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS without seeing her son. She took no chances at all. Whenever a nurse came into her room, she said, Im the birth mother; talk to the Malones about the baby, before the nurse could say a thing.
By the end of the next day, she was feeling good enough to hate being here. The food was terrible, the view sucked, the television hardly got any channels, and worst of all, she could hear the nursery. Every time a baby cried, Lauren had to blink away tears. She tried rereading the USC catalog over and over, but it didnt help.
She kept hearing the high-pitched, stuttering newborn wail. Somewhere along the way shed started thinking of her baby as Johnny, and shed sit there, eyes squeezed shut, fists clenched, saying Someone take care of Johnny. . . .
She was having a hard time of it, to be sure, but she would have been okay if Angie hadnt visited her last night.
Lauren had been asleep, but barely. Shed heard the highway noise outside and tried to pretend it was the ocean, lulling her to sleep.
"Lauren?"
Shed expected a night nurse, someone checking on her one last time before lights out. But it was Angie.
Shed looked terrible, ravaged almost. Her eyes had been swollen and red and her attempts at smiling were miserable failures. Shed talked to Lauren for a long time, brushing her hair and bringing her drinks of water, until she finally said what shed come to say.
"You need to see him. "