Acceptance.
Yeah, I knew they were dead.
But it was a lot easier to ignore everything that had happened.
Not anymore, though.
“Caelan,” she said my name again, trying to break through the walls I’d built around myself, “I’m right here. You’re not alone in this.”
I laughed under my breath at her words.
She might be here at my side supporting me, but I was still alone. She couldn’t begin to understand what I felt right now.
I heard the blood rushing in my ears and it felt like everything was closing in around me.
I felt so hopeless, because going back home would only further remind me that there was nothing I could have done.
I’d replayed that night over so many times in my mind that it would forever be burned inside me.
And like my nightmares showed, even if I had been there, the outcome would’ve still been the same. Only, I would have died with them.
I pried my nails away from my skin and looked over at Sutton.
I was beginning to realize that living wasn’t such a bad thing. If I had died that night, I would’ve never met Sutton, and I wouldn’t have had a chance at a future. True, I’d thrown the last five years of my life away, but I could still find redemption, right?
I closed my eyes and rested my head against the seat. We should be there in…
Five…
Four…
Three…
Two…
“We’re here.”
Sutton’s voice was soft and hesitant. I knew she was unsure how to handle this…how to handle me.
“Give me a minute,” I told her, grasping the car’s seats between my hands.
You can do this, Cael. I heard Cayla’s voice inside my head. Just get out of the car, and go inside, and…
And what? I asked her silently.
And it’s time for you to say goodbye. You need to let us go.
I began to hyperventilate. Say goodbye? Could I really do that? Could I just let them go like sand scattered in the wind?
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I knew this was going to test me, but aren’t the hard things in life supposed to be the most rewarding? I only hoped this could be a turning point for me—a good one.
“Caelan—”
“Not yet,” I barked.