Beauty in the Ashes

“That’s what I thought,” he laughed. “You disappeared for a minute there.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, heading to the back to throw my stuff away and wash my hands.

When my shift ended I was more tired than normal. I knew it wasn’t because of work, or even the things Daphne said.

It was this time of year.

Everywhere I looked there was a reminder that it was Christmastime, and this year I didn’t have a family to celebrate it with. That hurt a lot. My mom had always made a big deal out of the holiday season. The house was always filled with the scent of something baking, while she’d stride through the house singing Christmas songs. I wouldn’t experience any of that this year…or ever again.

I knew pouting about it was stupid. It wouldn’t change anything. I needed to accept things and move on. I couldn’t dwell on it forever. Eventually I had to find the strength to let go.

I went to my apartment, instead of Caelan’s, when I got home. I was sure he was still up painting, so it wouldn’t be like I might disturb him, but I needed to be alone for a while.

After showering, I climbed into bed, promising myself that when I woke up I’d put this behind me.

We had to create our own happiness, and that’s what I was going to do.

???

“You want to get a Christmas tree?” Caelan looked at me like I’d lost my mind, a paintbrush dangling from his fingertips.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Okay, so get a Christmas tree. I don’t see how I need to be involved in this.”

“I want it to be our tree,” I explained. “Don’t you want to celebrate Christmas?”

“Not really,” he grumbled. “Christmas is a reminder of what I don’t have. I’m already having a hard enough time with selling the house. I’m not sure anymore if it was the right thing.” He stared at the half-completed canvas in front of him.

“That’s exactly why we should do this. We both need a distraction.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?”

“Nope,” I smiled.

“Fine,” he agreed, “we’ll get a tree and some decorations, whatever you want. But it’s not going in here. You’ll have to find room for it at your place.”

“Thank you!” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him close.

His smile was genuine. “Only you could talk me into this.”

I batted my eyes. “You can’t resist this face.”

He chuckled. “It’s when you pout those pretty lips that it really gets to me.”

He tugged on my hips, pulling me down on his lap. I straddled him, running my fingers through his silky hair. He laid his head against my chest and grew quiet. When he did speak, it was to say, “I’m trying. I am. But it’s so, so hard.”

“I know you are,” I whispered. “Trying is better than not. Remember that.”

He nodded and pulled back a bit to look at me. “I see that you’re hurting a lot right now,” his finger glided down my cheek, “and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Some things are unfixable. You have to learn to deal.”

“Story of my life,” he grunted, resting his forehead against mine.

Rubbing his hands along my thighs, he sighed. “Let me clean up and we’ll go get your silly tree.”

“You won’t be calling it silly when you see how pretty it looks,” I countered.