Beauty in the Ashes

As they all chatted away about randomness, I gave myself a silent pep talk.

When I was ready, I said, “Guys, there’s something I need to tell you. I know I should’ve told you a long time ago, but this is hard for me to talk about.” And there came the damn tears. Go away, tears! I don’t want to cry! “I know you were all shocked about me…well…you know…trying to kill myself,” I muttered. “But I had my reasons.” They all grew quiet and sat with rapt attention as I recanted the story from the very beginning. It was hard to force the words out, but I did it. When I finished, Memphis punched the table and walked out of the restaurant. I was hurt by his reaction but I tried not to show it. When he didn’t return a crying Daphne and worried Emery urged me to go after him.

I slid out of the booth and headed outside. I found him at the side of the building. His hands were braced against the stone surface of the restaurant wall and his head was bowed so he didn’t see me approach.

“Memphis?” I said his name cautiously like he was a wild animal that might attack me.

Upon hearing his name he turned to face me. His eyes were red rimmed and he scrubbed a hand over his face in the hopes of hiding the depths of his emotions.

“Are you okay?” I took a hesitant step closer.

“Am I okay?” His look was incredulous. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?” I opened my mouth to respond, but he barreled on. “I should be asking you that. I knew something had to have happened to push you over the edge but I never guessed that. Then, for you to say that he showed up at your fucking door?!” I startled at his language and raised tone. Memphis was the guy that was always calm, cool, and collected so to see him lose it like that was a bit disconcerting. I mean, I guess I should have expected it, but I didn’t. “I can’t stand the thought of anyone laying their hands on you like that.” His fists clenched at his sides and his jaw flexed. “It’s not okay. He needs to be sent to prison for what he did to you.”

I shook my head. “That may be true, but it’s too late for that. The only thing I can do now is make sure he can’t hurt me again or the baby.”

“He’s never getting near you ever again!” Memphis shoved a finger in my direction to drive home his point. “That’s it,” he paced back and forth, “I’m moving in with you.”

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics and in a calm tone said, “Didn’t you already try to do that? I finally got rid of you,” I laughed so it took away any possible harshness my words may have had, “you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“I worry about you because I care. I can’t just stop my feelings for you. God,” he shook his head, “you get under my skin like no one else can.” He closed the distance between us in a few long strides. His breath left him in heavy gusts. He was clearly worked up and nothing I said seemed to calm him. His movements were quick and I didn’t realize what he was about to do until it was too late.

His large hands covered my cheeks and he tipped my head back slightly as he covered my mouth with his. This kiss seared me straight down to my very toes. I’d kissed Memphis before, but it was nothing like this. This was a kiss. That day, so many months ago when I’d burst into the restaurant and kissed him…yeah, this is what I’d been trying to feel then. It was like the kiss brought all my feelings flooding to the surface and my God, I realized I’d been falling for Memphis for a long time—even when I’d been with Caelan. Emery’s words from so long ago echoed in my head, “I don’t need to play matchmaker when fate will do the work for me.”

He was right.

I’d denied it at first, but fate was definitely at work here. I might’ve fallen in love with Caelan first, and needed him to heal the parts of me that were too dark for others to see, but Memphis was the one my heart belonged to. I’d never believed in soul mates or fate like Emery, but in this moment I believed there was definitely some cosmic force at work that made sure I stood here right now kissing this man.

My mouth opened beneath his and his tongue slipped inside. A soft, light moan escaped me and he growled low in his throat in response.

My body curled against his and he wrapped his arms around me in a protective embrace. His warmth surrounded me like the heat of a sunny day. Memphis was magnetic and I couldn’t help but be drawn to him. He was the kind of guy all girls dreamed of finding—but circumstances, like my epic fuckedupness, had kept us from being together when we met.

We were getting a second chance, and I was ready to embrace it. No more ru

nning. No more hiding.

Memphis broke the kiss. He breathed deeply and couldn’t hide the smile on his face. “Did you feel that?” He grinned as he asked the question.

I knew what he meant. Did I feel the rightness of us? “Yes.”

His smile widened impossibly further, his dimples showing in both cheeks. He kissed me again, this time it was a simple quick brush of his lips, but it was enough to leave me shaking.

“I know you probably have a lot of concerns,” he looked meaningfully down at my stomach, “but I want you to know, that wherever we end up I will love your baby like it’s my own. It doesn’t matter to me. This isn’t a burden you need to worry about scaring me away. It’ll take a lot more than that,” he chuckled. He cradled my cheek in one hand and I let myself lean in to his touch. A huge part of me was screaming that this was too fast, but it wasn’t like I was declaring love or jumping into bed with him. Memphis knew I needed slow and he wouldn’t push me, I knew that. Holding back a laugh, he questioned, “Does this mean you’ll stop pushing me away now?”

I laughed at that, bowing my head slightly to hide my smile, but he forced my chin up so that I couldn’t conceal myself from him. “I guess so.”

“That’s better than no.” His gray eyes met mine and there was so much happiness reflected in their depths that I couldn’t help but smile.

“This doesn’t mean we’re dating, though,” I warned him.

“Are we pre-dating then?” He quipped.

“Uh…I guess so,” I laughed—the sound so light and genuine that it surprised me.

“I don’t want to ruin the moment,” his hands fell to my waist, “but I want you to know that I understand you’re still struggling with what happened between you and Caelan, and of course the Marcus thing as well. I think I’ve proved that I care about you and I’m here for you. If you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on, I’m your guy,” he chuckled. “I know you’ve been keeping a lot of stuff in like the letters—”

I flinched. I’d tried to push that to the back of my mind. The second letter I’d mailed had been sent back just like the first—the same with the third and fourth and fifth. I still wrote them, but I’d stopped sending them. Caelan might never read them, but writing them gave me a much needed clarity and sense of relief. It bothered me that he didn’t know about the baby, and he might never. I knew I could contact Kyle, but something about that didn’t seem right. Caelan had made it clear by cutting off his phone, moving out of his apartment, and not reading one damn letter, that he didn’t want anything to do with me. We’d said our goodbyes and he didn’t need any more closure. I wasn’t going to force him to be a part of the baby’s or my life. I certainly wouldn’t keep him from the baby either, but reaching out to him had become too painful. It was like I was continually taking a punch to the heart where Caelan was concerned. It’d been over three months since I’d last seen him. He wasn’t coming back, that was obvious. While I was conflicted about moving on so soon, didn’t I deserve to find love and happiness like everyone else? Or was I destined to be the heartless wench of my own tale?

“Sutton?” Memphis snapped his fingers in front of my face.