“You love her.” It’s not a question, but a statement. The idea of it has my body tensing, preparing to yank itself away to beat the living shit out of him. The thought of him loving her and having known her body makes me want to do irreparable damage.
“I do,” he confirms, releasing my arm. I swing around to face him, my hands balled into fists. The only thing holding me back is the knowledge that he and Abby didn’t have sex tonight. The relief of knowing they didn’t is there, but my new revelation isn’t allowing me to enjoy it.
“But not the way you’re thinking,” he expounds further. “I love her, but I’m not in love with her. I could never make her truly happy. I could keep her body satisfied, but never her heart. Just like she could never satisfy my heart. I could be with her, but we could never really be happy with each other.”
The seriousness of his tone, and the way his eyes don’t waver from mine says he’s telling the truth.
“Why are you only wearing your jeans?” I narrow my eyes at him, still finding that part odd.
“Because she puked on me.” My eyes flicker down, and I notice a few wet spots on the thighs of his jeans, like he tried wiping something away with a wet rag. “I just got out of the shower, because some got on my arms and I wanted that shit off. Then you knocked on the door.”
I nod, accepting his excuse. “How is she?” I ask, my impatience to see her coming back full force.
“Go see for yourself.” He lifts his chin in the direction of her bedroom, and I walk quickly down the hallway.
When I enter her room, it’s shrouded in shadows, the only light coming from the bathroom door that’s slightly ajar. My feet carry me to the side of the bed she’s on. The light from the bathroom shows her face, which is flushed, and slightly damp. She’s tucked beneath the covers with her lashes resting against her cheeks. Although she’s asleep, she seems restless. I can see her eyes flickering back and forth beneath her lids, and her legs are sliding back and forth against each other. Little moans slip past her lips.
My own stomach cramps at the apparent pain she’s in, even in sleep.
“How is she asleep right now?” I ask Nathan, who I felt step into the room seconds behind me. “Why isn’t she thrashing in pain?”
“Because she’s doped up on Valium.”
I turn and scowl at him. “What the fuck?” The thought of her on drugs doesn’t sit well with me.
He shrugs. “It was her choice. It was either that, fuck me, or suffer in pain. She chose the drugs.”
I turn back to Abby, and drop my head, closing my eyes as pain wraps itself around my heart and squeezes tight. This is my doing. I promised her I’d find a way to always be there for her, and we’re barely weeks into our relationship, and I’ve already let her down.
“I don’t know what the fuck kept you from her tonight,” Nathan says, stepping closer to me. I can feel the heat from his anger hitting my back. “But I’m not sure if you can fix it. She was in a bad way. Her eyes were fucking dead, and not just because of the pain her body was inflicting on her, but the emotional pain of you proving to her she was right all along. She’s never, not once, let anyone in like she did you, and the first time she does, she’s let down.”
My chest tightens to the point of suffocation, and I pull in a tortured breath. I know what he says is true. I know I’m going to have my work cut out for me, proving to her that this will never happen again, because I refuse for it to end between us. It’s too important. My feelings for her are too strong, and I know hers are too.
“Why do you care? I figured you’d be happy. It’s no secret you don’t like me.”
“Because, for the first time in the seven years I’ve known her, her smiles were genuine, not forced or pain-filled. There was a light in her eyes I’ve never seen before. Because she was happy, and everyone knew it.”
I stay quiet for several minutes, just looking at the woman that’s quickly taken over my heart, taking in her beauty. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other, still so much to learn, but I know without a single doubt in my mind that we are meant to have this chance.
“Leave,” I tell Nathan, keeping my eyes pinned on Abby’s sleeping form. I need to be alone with her. I need to slip in behind her and hold her body against my own. To feel her beside me and in my arms.
Not saying anything, Nathan slips out of the room. I’m glad he didn’t fight me. I get the sense that he knows my feelings for her. We may have started off rocky, but there’s no way he can’t see my remorse at not being here for her.
As soon as I hear the door click closed, I strip off my clothes and crawl in behind her. She’s completely bare as well. I ignore the fact that it was Nathan that saw her naked again tonight.
Her body feels cool to the touch, but it’s still clammy. There’s a slight tremble from her, and I pull her closer. She gives off a small whimper, but relaxes back against me. I lay with her, wrapped tightly in my arms, my face buried in her hair, while she sleeps agitatedly beside me. Her body jerks every few seconds, like even in her drug-induced sleep, she still can’t get away from the painful cravings. Each movement from her cuts slices into my heart, until
it’s left bleeding in my chest.
“I’m so goddamn sorry, Abby,” I whisper against her neck.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but I wake to Abby moaning loudly. My eyes flicker open to find we’re still in the same position as when I fell asleep. A look outside shows it’s still dark, so it couldn’t have been too long since I’d fallen asleep.
She moans again and pushes her backside against my hardening cock. Sometime during the night, I must have angled my dick between her legs, because it’s now nestled against her pussy lips, sliding easily between them due to her wetness. I feel slightly sick that I can be turned on when she’s in such apparent pain. Lifting up on an elbow, I loom over her and see her eyes are still closed. She’s still asleep.
A thought occurs to me. She doesn’t know I’m in bed with her. For all she knows, I could be Nathan. After all, he was the last person she saw. My stomach plummets at the thought, and I clench my eyes closed. This isn’t about me right now. It’s about Abby, and relieving her of her pain. It’s my fault she’s so desperate that she’s willing to take whoever she can get.
I rest my head against her temple and take a deep breath before releasing it. Her moans are getting louder, and her movements against me are getting persistent. I really don’t like the idea of taking her while she’s asleep, but I can’t stand the thought of her suffering any longer, either.