But no matter how much I want her, no matter how much my body screams for the relief I know only she can give it, now is not the time. She just went through a tragic experience at the hands of my twin brother. Quite frankly, I’m surprised she can stand to look at me. With everything I’ve done in the past aside, Theo’s actions, and he and I sharing the same face.... How can she look at me and not see him?
With more strength than I knew I was capable of, I pull my lips from hers.
“Baby, we can’t do this.”
She frowns and the tiny crease between her eyes torments me. I want to give her everything she asks from me, but she’s not thinking straight right now. The first time I take her I want her mind solely on me, not on my brother or what he did to her.
“But I want to, Luca.” She leans forward and kisses the center of my chest, snaking her hand down between us to grip my cock.
“Fuck,” I hiss, and throw back my head.
The pleasure is too great, and I’m momentarily frozen for a second as she smoothly slides her hand up and down my shaft a few times. Against all my basic instincts, I grip her hand and make her stop, bringing her palm to lie flat over my chest.
“You don’t know what you’re asking, Jules,” I tell her roughly. “You’re scared and vulnerable right now, and not ready for this.”
Her fingers curl against my chest and she looks at me with imploring eyes. “I do know what I’m asking. I’m asking you to make love to me. Yes, I’m scared, and I may be vulnerable right now, but I know with 100 percent certainty that I want you.”
I close my eyes and rest my head against hers, my resolve slowly cracking, but knowing it may be a mistake we’ll both regret if I give in.
“I can’t—” I break off and take a deep breath. I open my eyes. “I can’t take that chance with you. It’ll fucking break me if you regret it later,” I finish hoarsely.
She grabs my face and brings it down to hers, where she places a single soft kiss against my lips before pulling back. We gaze deeply into each other’s eyes.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully. What Theo did to me was horrible, and yes, I realize I want to use you to help me forget what he did. To take away his touch and replace it with yours. For that”—her eyes drop for a moment before coming back to me—“I’m ashamed of myself, and I’m sorry.” I open my mouth to shut that shit down, but she shakes her head. “It’s not just that reason though, Luca. It’s not even a big part of why I want you to make love to me. I want to because it’s you. I wanted you before today. I wanted you before yesterday. I’ll want you the same tomorrow and the day after and the week after next. What Theo did hasn’t and won’t ever change that.”
Fuck.
I am so fucking done for. Her earnest words rip me to shreds then superglue me back together. How in the hell this woman can want me after everything I’ve done is something I’ll never understand, but damned if I’ll ever be able to let her go now.
I dr
op my head and kiss her. I put everything I have into the kiss, because she’s giving so much of herself. Her trust, her body, her mind, and I hope like fuck her heart, because she sure as hell has mine.
She tastes like heaven and happiness and freedom and everything else that’s good in life. I bend slightly, tightly wrap my arms around her, and stand back up straight, leaving her legs to dangle. They don’t dangle long, because she wraps them around my waist. My painfully hard cock is once again smashed between us, and I groan into Jules’s mouth at the contact. Her hands fist into my hair, and I fucking love that her control is as precarious as mine. The woman drives me crazy. It’s only fair that I do the same for her.
I break my lips from hers and trail them across her cheek and down her neck.
“I have no fucking clue why you’re trusting me,” I whisper against her ear, needing her to know how important this moment is for me. How damn honored I am to have her in my life. I pull back and look at her. “Fuck knows I don’t deserve it. But I swear to Christ, you won’t regret it, Jules.”
“I know.”
Again, her words flay me alive.
I reach back, turn the water off, then step out of the shower with her still wrapped around me. I grab a towel, and with her help, place it over her shoulders. I leave the bathroom and go into my bedroom, leaving the hallway light on. At the foot of the bed, I put her down then dry her off with the towel. I roughly rub it over my body next before dropping it to the floor.
I take a minute before finally giving myself permission to look over her body. She’s gorgeous. No, she’s more than that. She’s absolutely fucking breathtaking. Her brown hair cascades down her back with some of the wet strands sticking to her skin over her tits. Her neck is slender and graceful, and the plump swell of her tits is amazing. Her waist is trim, but not overly so, and her hips flare out. She’s not rail-thin like so many women strive for. She’s curvy in just the perfect way. The brown curls between her legs, hiding her sacred passage, tempt me beyond measure. I want to run my fingers through the wiry hair until I find the delights of her pussy. Her legs are lean and long, and I can’t fucking wait to feel them around my waist as I take her.
I lift my eyes back to her and find her checking me over as well. Her eyes dance from one part of me to the other. They settle on my cock and it makes my shaft jump. Her eyes fly to mine, and her cheeks stain a pretty pink again.
“Is uh…,” she stutters. Her eyes go back to my cock then rest once again on my face. “Will that hurt going in me?”
I chuckle and tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.
“No, baby. It won’t hurt. In fact, it’ll feel real good.”
Her face relaxes some. “I’m not saying I want to back out, but I’m nervous.” She swallows. “I don’t remember any of the times before. I was still a virgin the last time I remember.”
“We’ll take it slow,” I reassure her. “And if at any time you want to stop, we will. Immediately.”