Hooking Up With My Dad's Best Friend

My dad pays for the games, we return our shoes, and then we’re out in the night again in an awkward silence. One that doesn’t break when we get in the car. It lasts halfway home. What do I say? I don’t want to confirm what he’s thinking, but the way the atmosphere is building, it’s almost oppressive.

“I had a good time,” I say. “Thank you.”

He makes a sound of acknowledgement, but nothing else.

“I’m glad you got to see your friends.”

Dad nods absently. “That was nice.”

The air falls dead between us again. Will he ask me directly? Will he wait until tomorrow so he can sleep on it? If he asks me, what am I going to say? Do I have the ability to lie to him? I don’t want to, but everything I’ve done has been for the sole purpose of not letting him know—not putting him through that pain.

But if he knows anyway, will denying it just make it hurt more? Especially if I deny it and he asks Bryce—who I know will never lie—and then finding out that I lied to him. We’ve always had a really good relationship. The outings for bowling and burgers are a really good example of that. I don’t want it to be ruined by this.

I ignore the whispering of Elle’s voice that he loves me, and that he’ll respect my decisions no matter what. I decide to give conversation on last try. “How are things at work?”

“The same. Busy.”

And that’s the end of that. No more from him, and even though words keep bubbling up in my throat, I can’t bring myself to speak them out loud.

It’s another ten minutes before we pull up into the driveway, the house lit up cheerily from the inside. Clearly Mom is still up, though that’s not surprising since it’s not that late. Dad pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park. I’m reaching for the handle to get out when he finally speaks. “Wait, Katti.”

I stop. Is this about to happen now? My stomach is doing flip-flops and my skin is tingling from the sheer adrenaline racing through me. The look on his face right now…I can’t describe it. It’s sad and anxious.

He takes a big breath, leaning back against the seat, and closing his eyes for a second. Then he clears his throat. “Katti, do you have something to tell me?”

Fuck. He’s not going to ask. I look down at my hands. The floor of the car. Anything but him. “What do you mean?”

“Katti.” The tone makes me look at him. He’s begging me with his eyes. Pleading. And he looks so sad that I can’t bear it. Oh god, I don’t know how to do this.

“Okay,” I say, my mouth dry. I feel sick. But I’m going to say the words that I never thought I’d say to him. That I didn’t want to. “Bryce and I…have been seeing each other. It started a few weeks ago, but I broke it off when I realized how much it would affect everything. Your friendship, our relationship, all your friends. Tonight was the first time I’d seen him since.”

My father looks like I just hit him. Up until I said the words, I don’t think that he believed it. He hoped that he wasn’t seeing what he was seeing, trying to find any possible way to justify it or explain it away. Until I just confirmed it.

I wait for him to say something. Anything. To yell at me. Scream or rage or cry. But he doesn’t. Just stares at me like he has no idea who I am, like he’s never seen me before. What do I do?

“I need you to know that I didn’t do it to hurt you. Bryce was the person that I had always—”

“Get out of the car, Katti.” He cuts me off.

“What?”

He looks straight ahead and puts his hands on the wheel. “I need you to get out of the car now.”

I start to say something else, but he just shakes his head. I get out and the second that the door is shut behind me, the car is in reverse and flying out of the driveway. I don’t know where he’s going or what he’s going to do, but I fucked up.

This is the last thing I wanted, and everything is happening exactly the way I thought it would. God, I need a fucking drink.

My mom is sitting on the couch when I walk in, reading a book. She looks so comfortable and normal, and when she lights up with a smile at the sight of me, it hits me right in the chest. “Hey, sweetie. Did you have a good time? Where’s your father?”

I collapse into tears. I can’t hold it back anymore. I wasn’t doing well before we went to the bowling alley, and now…