“I think that’s probably a stretch. She said that she couldn’t even look at me, and then she kicked me out of her house.”
“Can you blame her?” He shoves his empty glass away. “She wanted you. She had sex with you. She gave in after she had already said no once. She’s clearly still got some kind of feelings for you. But when she finally dared to ask what happened, you basically told her that you didn’t care about her feelings in the slightest, and she’s pissed. But feelings like the ones you guys have don’t go away overnight. You need to show her that she can trust you. That’s the key. Trust.”
“Great,” I say, “that’s perfect. Because I haven’t even told her about the nightmares, or about the pledge. I don’t think those things are exactly going to make me trustworthy.”
Frankie snorts. “If Annabelle and I can get through that pledge than so can you. It’s a stupid thing, but you haven’t even done it yet. You can dance your way out of that one. And as for the nightmares, get help, man. If you tell her what’s happening and you’re already getting help to solve the problem, that’s good. If you’re going to keep being stubborn and pretend like you can muscle your way through this like it’s no big deal, then that’s gonna backfire.”
I roll all this information around in my head. “You really think that I still have a chance?”
“I think you have a chance at a chance. Just be careful, and try not to blow it. You know her. Let her know that. Show her that you remember who she is and what she loves. Because you might still have a chance, but even I can see that this is your last one.”
“Yeah.” That’s pretty damn clear.
Frankie smiles. “Speaking of beautiful women, I need to get home to mine. See you around this weekend?”
I nod. “Sure thing.”
He claps me on the shoulder as he leaves, and I sit for a while and think. I should have done this sooner. I’ve been running from my problems, but I realize there’s no avoiding them anymore. Time to sit with them and finally work out my shit. It’s clear that everything I thought before was wrong. I need to fix things before I can even think about breaking the ice with Tia.
I’ve still got some time before my birthday if I want to get out of this pledge, and I’m certainly not going to push her. I think that that would be a big mistake. In the meantime, I need to get some help. And I know someone, someone who stays up really late, who might be able to do it.
Heading outside so I can sober up before I go home, I pull out my phone. We haven’t talked in a couple of months, but I know he’ll take the call. Just as I’d expect, he answers on the first ring. “Hey Jerry,” I say. “I need your help.”
9
Tia
The next two weeks are pure torture. I do my best to put myself and Wallace at separate worksites, but it doesn’t always work out. My nights are plagued by dreams and ridiculous longing for that pleasure that only he can give me, and my days are spent watching him work, seeing how competent and capable he is, and bracing myself against his simple and charming smiles, the glances in my direction. He doesn’t push me, and he doesn’t flirt. He respects the boundaries that I’ve put in place, and I love him for it. And I hate him for it.
The gifts start showing up the second week. Not flowers, but objects that suit me to a tee.. And even though the notes are never signed, I know they’re from him. There’s a hammer in my favorite shade of purple and engraved with my initials. A basket of my favorite chocolate. It’s expensive and hard to find, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it sold in town.
A brand new drafting table and about a year’s worth of supplies are delivered to my house. It’s beautifully constructed from cherry wood, and it’s perfectly my height. I should send all of these gifts back, but I don’t. I don’t acknowledge them either. But they do what he wants them to—they get me thinking about him.
He’s driving me to distraction, and it shows. I fuck up on sending the correct supplies to the correct sites one day, and it costs us hours of lost time. I make a few mistakes in the actual work that need to be fixed, and when my dad asks me if I’m feeling all right, I know that we can’t stay like this forever. Wallace Monroe has invaded my mind, and I don’t know what I can do to get him out. I swore that I was done with him, but it doesn’t feel that way. How can it feel that way when he’s always here and there’s an undeniable pull between us?