“She had shot herself in the head and was on the ground. There was a note in her car addressed to me. In it, she said she had to do it because her father was going to force her to give him the baby. He also told her he would make sure I never played another game of football again. She said she did it to save my future and to protect our child.” Josh turned and looked at me, his eyes full of regret, anger, and sadness. “Do you know what my father said to me after he took the note from my hands?”
Slowly, I shook my head.
“He told me it was my fault she killed herself.”
I slid off the horse and fought the need to throw up. What the hell kind of father says that to his child? Puts that sort of guilt into his heart. Pulling in a deep breath, I turned to Josh, who was also off of his horse and staring out over the field. I turned him to face me.
“It was not your fault, Josh. None of it was your fault or Lisa’s. She was scared and didn’t know what to do.”
He nodded.
“Look at me, son. I need you to look at me.”
Josh’s eyes met mine.
“You didn't do anything differently than I would have done. As a matter of fact, you handled it like a gentleman and stepped up to your responsibility. You were getting her out of there. It just so happens that her father was a fucking monster.”
Swallowing hard, Josh looked down at the ground. “He took his own life a few months later. Didn’t leave a note or anything, but I’m pretty sure the guilt of what he had done was eating him alive.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“I just gave up on everything. I didn’t care anymore, Coach. Lisa was gone. She took her own life so I could play fucking football. I love the game, but it just didn’t mean anything to me after that. My father pretty much told me I would fail at every turn, and a part of me knew I had failed Lisa already, so I couldn’t stand the thought of failing her again.”
“So you started acting up and pulling the stunts because you were afraid of failing?”
He shrugged. “I guess. I look back on it, and it’s like I failed her anyway. She took her life and our unborn child’s life for nothing.”
“That’s not true, Josh. If you want this dream you once had, I will do everything in my power to help you make it happen, but it starts here.”
I placed my hand on his chest. “Inside here, you have to want it. You have to work for it. You have to have a reason to want it.”
A tear rolled down his face. “I just want her back.”
And like that, the wall crumbled, and Josh McEvans fell along with it.
35
Hunter
The smell of bacon had me opening my eyes and taking a deep breath. It had been a long day and night with Josh. After he broke down, we’d sat for an hour and talked. Josh had a lot of guilt he needed to work through and even more soul-searching.
The sound of laughter made its way up to my room. It sounded like my folks and Josh. I quickly got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. By the time I made it into the kitchen, it was just my mother sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee and eating breakfast.
“I thought I heard laughter,” I said, walking into the room and pouring a cup of coffee.
“Your father and Josh headed out to the barn to see Ahava.”
I lifted a brow and gave my mother a look. “Dad is with Josh?”
She shrugged. “Is that a problem?”
“No.”
Peering over her mug, she smiled. “He sees something in that boy. Clearly you do, as well.”
“I do. The kid has been through some serious shit, that’s for sure. Doesn't excuse him from acting like a little prick, though.”
She chuckled. “Your father said Josh’s father isn’t the nicest guy and he feels sorry for him.”
With a sigh, I took another drink and sat down next to my mother. “Yeah, the guy sounds like a jerk. This kid has a lot of emotional shit to get through, but I honestly think he could be a great quarterback.”
“In the minors, you mean?”
“No, pro. He’s that talented. I was up last night watching some of his high school and college games. The kid has got more talent in his pinky finger than his father ever dreamed of having. It’s a shame he tried to pull the kid down instead of building him up.”
“That’s where you come in, I take it? Does this have anything to do with—”
I held up my hand. “Don’t, Mom. This is simply me trying to help this kid out because I can see there’s something special in him and there had to be a reason he was sabotaging his career. I’m hoping over the next day or two, he sees what he’s got inside of him.”
Tilting her head, she regarded me for a moment. “You are so much like your father, you know that? You have one of the most loving hearts I have ever seen, and that is because of the man who raised you.”
“You had a little something to do with it, too, you know,” I said with a wink.
She blushed. “Yes, I did, but you learned from a good man. You’ve always been open to advice from your father, so don’t stop now.”
I leaned forward. “What do you mean?”
With a shrug, she motioned for me to join Dad and Josh in the barn. “I’m just saying keep an open mind and lead with your heart, not your head, Hunter.”
I gave her a nod and glanced toward the door.
“Now, let’s talk about Kendall. You’re engaged.”
With a smile, I looked back at my mother. “I know. I haven’t really had time to process it all. I love her, Mom. I know some people might think we’re moving fast, but it feels right.”
“Then that is all that matters. She’s a lovely girl, and I adore her. I see why you’re in love with her. She makes you happy. Your father and I can see the change in you.”
“Kendall makes me very happy. I can’t imagine my life without her in it.”
“I’m sure you make her just as happy, sweetheart.”
Letting out a sigh, I said, “I hope so.”
My mother took her cup and dish to the sink before turning to face me. “I’m going to go for a walk and take in this beautiful morning.” She bent down and kissed me. “Enjoy your day, sweetheart. I love you.”
I finished my coffee and made my way out to the barn. I could hear my father and Josh talking, so I paused around a corner and listened.
“Keep a hold of that leg good and really get into that shoe. Get it clean.”
“Yes, sir,” Josh replied.
Smiling, I stood and listened to my father give Josh lessons on how to groom a horse. I could hear a change in the young man’s voice. It sounded as if he might not have been carrying so much on his shoulders this morning and simply living in the moment.
“You dating anyone?” Dad asked.
“There is someone I sort of like, but I’m not sure how far things will go.”
Josh had told me last night he had asked Amber out on a few dates. He’d said he really liked her, but it made him feel guilty at the same time—liking another woman after Lisa. The guy hadn’t dated anyone since she died.
“You’ll never know unless you take the leap, son. So don’t wait around; take the chance.”
My father’s words hit me right in the chest. It was something he had said to me on more than one occasion, but somehow hearing him say it to Josh made it feel like the most important time he’d ever said it. I was sure he had no idea just how important those words were to this kid.
Walking around the corner, I saw Josh staring at my dad. He smiled and replied, “I will, sir. Thank you.”
The rest of the day was spent working on the ranch. My father and I worked Josh until he was practically crawling back to the house. He’d muttered something about being the most tired he had ever been in his entire life. My mother went all out and made a home-cooked dinner with an apple pie and homemade vanilla ice cream. Josh was in heaven after the hell we had put him through.
I picked up my phone and sent Kendall a quick text
. I hadn’t spoken to her since earlier in the day when we’d both had a break.
Me: Hey, baby. I miss you.
Kendall: I miss you, too. How are things going?
Me: Tough at first, but I think we’re going to be seeing a new Josh McEvans after this.
Kendall: Good. Call me before you go to bed. I want to hear your voice again.
Me: Will do. I love you.
Kendall: I love you, too.
“Coach, do you mind if we speak in private for a minute?” Josh asked after we had all helped Mom clean up dinner.
“Not at all, let’s head out to the front porch and sit for a bit.”
“You boys want some fresh iced tea?” my mother called out.
“No, thank you, Mrs. Owens,” Josh said as I took a glass from her and then kissed her cheek.