“I didn’t tell you the whole story about the ladybug. My grandmother told me ladybugs were drawn to pure love. True love. When I realized I was calling you ladybug . . . it freaked me out.”
Furrowing my eyes together, I forced myself to talk. “Why? Because I couldn’t possibly be the one you loved?”
I was lost between feeling so incredibly hurt by his words and angry as hell because he was denying what was right in front of him.
He looked at me with a blank expression. “I loved Savannah.”
Swallowing hard, I asked, “And you can never love again? Is that what you’re saying to me, Thano? You can never find another love like that . . . or God forbid something even more. Something deeper? Because I thought I was so broken by Peter I would never be able to trust someone enough to love them. I opened my heart up and I started falling in love with you. So you’re telling me you could never love me?”
“I’m not sure about anything right now, Kilyn. I know I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about that night we made love and that confuses the hell out of me.”
Standing, I looked directly into his eyes. “Well, let me be clear on one thing. I am not Savannah. I will never be her nor do I ever want to be compared to her. I’ve lost a part of me as well, Thano. The only difference between us is I have chosen to move on with my life where as you have chosen to stay in the past. I won’t let myself get hurt by you or anyone else.”
He narrowed his eyes as if I had said the most insane thing ever. “I don’t want to hurt you. That is the last thing I’d ever want to do, Kilyn.”
Forcing my tears back, my throat and lungs burned. My chin trembled and I had to fight to keep the room from spinning.
Looking down, I watched as my tears fell and landed on the floor. I lifted my head and forced myself to speak.
“But that’s where you’re so wrong, Thano. Because you just did. More than you will ever know.”
His eyes widened as a pained expression took over his face. Taking a step closer to me I held up my hands to stop him. A sob escaped from my pressed lips. “No. Please don’t touch me.”
“Wait. Kilyn, don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry, Thano. I can’t play second to someone else. I’m falling in love with you and the only way I can keep my heart guarded is by letting you go.”
A tear slipped from his eye and slowly rolled down his beautiful face. “Please don’t do this.”
Taking a step forward, I reached up and softly kissed his lips. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Thano shook his head.
Quickly making my way around him, I headed to the door. My heart was pounding in my head so loud I could hardly hear myself think.
As I reached for the door, Thano grabbed me and spun me around. His eyes pleading with me to stay. “Don’t do this. Please, Kilyn. I . . . I . . . shit.”
His hand pushed through his hair as he let out a string of curse words.
“Fucking hell, please stay. I need to figure this all out. I’m confused that’s all.”
My chest heaved as I tried to contain my feelings. I wanted more than anything to fall into his arms and tell him I would wait. I’d wait forever for him to realize he loved me and not some ghost. But that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I’d always second guess who he truly loved. There wouldn’t be a day that would pass where I wouldn’t wonder if I was just someone he settled for.
Lifting my chin, I gave him a weak smile. “If you really wanted me to stay, you wouldn’t be confused, Thano. You would have told me how you felt about me without even having to think about it.”
His eyes filled with tears while I reached my shaking hand around my back and found the doorknob. My body felt cold as I turned it. Opening the door, I walked as fast as I could away from the only man I’d ever loved. Possibly the only man I’d ever truly love.
FROZEN.
Kilyn quickly walked away as I stood there watching her like the fucking idiot I was. Frozen in place, unable to move.
Her words swam in my head causing it to throb with each breath I took.
“If you really wanted me to stay, you wouldn’t be confused, Thano.”
Those words replayed over and over as I stood there looking at an empty hall.
“What did I do?”
Pushing both hands through my hair, I wanted to scream out. I wanted everyone around me to feel the same pain I was feeling.