There would be times in his life when he’d be exhilarated and thrilled. And there would also be times when he’d be sad or frustrated or angry. All she could do as his mother was celebrate his wins and be there to comfort him after his losses.
Actually, there was more she needed to do. Instead of clinging so tightly to him, as she had for the past eleven years, she needed to start letting him make decisions on his own, even if some of those decisions might be ones she didn’t fully agree with.
The realization reminded her of what she’d said to Brandon in Vienna when she’d told him it was time for her to stand on her own two feet and have some adventures, and that even if some of her adventures ended in tears, she wouldn’t regret any of them. Only, now Kevin was the one who had to use his own two feet to jump into adventure. She was so proud of him for taking the literal leap away from safety into the unknown today.
Letting Kevin seek more adventure on his own would also free Ashley up for more of her own dreams, her own desires, her own passions. If she didn’t spend more time focusing on herself and her own life, if she didn’t work on being more than Kevin’s mom, she was going to feel hugely lost and alone when he went to college. She didn’t want to make the mistake of holding on too tight, for either of their sakes.
The instructor’s voice brought her back to the present. “Kevin did great! Are you ready now, Ashley? I triple-checked your harnesses, and everything looks good.”
She tucked her phone into her zippered pocket, gave Kevin a double thumbs-up, then turned to smile at Nash before saying, “Yes, I’m ready.”
Moments later, she jumped off the platform with a wild scream. And as she opened her arms wide to fly even faster, she realized she wasn’t just ready for this…she’d been born ready for this.
Ashley had always been an adventurous child and teenager. She hadn’t been afraid of swinging on a rope tied to a tree branch and dropping into a lake. She’d loved the rush of riding her bike down a hill with the wind in her face. She’d craved the thrill of being nearly horizontal over the ocean in a sailboat as the sea sprayed up from beneath her.
She hadn’t done any of those things since becoming a mother. Partly because she’d told herself she had to behave in a certain way once she was a mom. But also because her one big mistake had convinced her that she should never put herself in a position to make another one.
On the far platform, Kevin was clapping and yelling her name. “Mom, you look awesome out there!”
She felt awesome. She felt completely alive. So wonderfully in the moment.
Exactly the same way she felt in Nash’s arms.
Using the hand brake, she made a perfect landing.
“How did you like it?” the second instructor asked.
“I loved it! I can’t wait to do the next zip line on the course.”
The instructor grinned. “As soon as I met you, I had a feeling you and Kevin were going to love it.” Then the instructor looked across at Nash, who was waiting his turn on the other side. “I didn’t want to make a big deal about seeing Nash here. But it’s really exciting to have such a big star zip-lining with us today. I hope he enjoys himself.”
“Me too,” Ashley said before giving Nash a thumbs-up. And then, before she could think better of it, she added one more gesture, using the fingers of both hands to make a heart.
Suddenly, he smiled. A beat later, he jumped off the platform and into the air. As he rocketed toward them, Ashley and Kevin called out his name and told him how great he was doing. At the last second, she remembered to pull out her phone, catching the final ten seconds of his ride on video before he landed.
Thankfully, he no longer looked green around the gills. “Heights aren’t really my thing,” he admitted, “but I have to say it was pretty exhilarating.”
“It was the best!” Kevin exclaimed.
Before they headed to the next zip line, she reached out to hug both her men.
Because somewhere along the way, that’s what Nash had become—another one of her men. No matter what, he would always be extremely important to her, and she would always want him to be happy.
Even if his future happiness couldn’t include her.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Nash had loved seeing the thrill of excitement on Ashley’s and Kevin’s faces. Though he usually avoided heights, for them he’d been willing to face a few minutes of airborne terror. Fortunately, it hadn’t been nearly as bad as he’d imagined. In fact, he’d actually enjoyed himself up there, hearing Ashley and Kevin cheering him on.