CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Ashley felt completely numb as she zipped around town, checking off a dozen final details for Cassie and Flynn’s wedding. The wedding was small enough that the café staff was going to cater the event, and normally Ashley would have helped out in the kitchen. But she couldn’t risk facing anyone in her family right now, especially her mom. One look at Ashley’s face, and Beth Sullivan would know something was wrong. Something big.
Perhaps Ashley should have been stronger, tougher, more ready to face her emotions. But she was afraid if anything pierced the numb shell encasing her heart, her sorrow over having to say good-bye to Nash might overflow.
And she might never recover.
No, it was far better to stay deadened to everything.
A bigger wedding celebration would happen later in the year that would involve the entire extended Sullivan family from around the world. But this Saturday, Cassie and Flynn would say their vows in front of their nearest and dearest family members—and Nash, as well.
Josh had threatened that if Nash came anywhere near Ashley and Kevin in the future, he would set the legal wheels in motion to have her declared an unfit mother. Which meant the wedding could be a potential problem if word got out that Nash was there. But how could Ashley take away Cassie’s surprise from Flynn when she knew how much it would mean to her sister? Being at the wedding with Nash was the final risk she had to take for the sake of her sister’s happiness.
Ashley had mulled endlessly over Josh’s threats. And while she’d pretty much convinced herself that no judge worth his or her robe would award sole custody of Kevin to Josh, she also believed that severing ties with Nash—after the wedding—was the right thing to do. It was one thing for her to weather Josh’s snap judgments about being a bad mother. But it was another thing entirely to subject Kevin to other people’s judgments. He was just a kid, and she needed to make sure she protected him from that.
All along, she’d known that a real relationship with Nash was an impossibility. And yet, when he’d appeared in Bar Harbor from out of the blue, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from impulsively kissing him. Nor had she been able to resist jumping back into bed with him when the opportunities had arisen.
Still, there was one thing she absolutely refused to regret.
Telling Nash she loved him.
It was the one thing she knew for sure and that she would keep with her long after he left Bar Harbor. She loved him with her whole heart and soul. And the time she’d spent with him had been some of the most important, rewarding, amazing moments of her life.
Maybe that was why the idea of moving forward without him felt so empty.
Every time Ashley thought about seeing Nash at the wedding, she lost track of where she was on her to-do list. Fortunately, she was armed with a detailed spreadsheet. She’d been crossing off tasks as she completed them, so she was fairly certain she hadn’t screwed anything up thus far.
Over and over, Ashley reminded herself that once she got through the wedding, and Nash had played his song for Cassie, she’d be on the other side. The side where no one’s harsh judgments could possibly harm her son. The side where she wouldn’t have to control her urges to kiss Nash all the time. The side where her emotions wouldn’t constantly be a roller coaster of ups and downs. The side where she would settle back into her regular, boring existence in town and force herself to be happy about it, even if it killed her!
* * *
Nash had always been a master at hiding what he was feeling, not only from other people, but also from himself. It was something he’d learned as a child. His mother’s moods had been so unpredictable that if he made one wrong move, she would explode. While he was growing up, it had been easier to act like nothing mattered, like he didn’t care about anything.
But for the first time in his life, Nash couldn’t push away his emotions. Since Ashley had told him about Josh’s threats, his insides had felt black and blue. Because she was right.
It didn’t matter that he’d anonymously given millions of dollars to charity over the years, or that he’d put dozens of kids through college, or that he’d secretly sponsored at-risk families in his hometown for more than a decade.
It was easy giving money to strangers. It was a million times harder to actually take care of someone else. To put someone he loved first. To give up his time to someone, rather than live his life exactly the way he wanted to. He’d never completely changed the course of his life to make another person happy.