Ashley had pitched in to help Cassie and Flynn wherever she could in the final runup to the wedding. She’d cleaned their cottage and cars. She’d weeded their garden. She’d cooked meals for them and Ruby. She’d babysat her sweet little niece-to-be. And when she’d run out of tasks to take care of for the bride and groom, Ashley had whipped out paint cans and brushes and painted her guest bedroom. She’d been planning the project for months, but hadn’t gotten around to it until now.
She supposed it helped that she’d barely been able to sleep, snatching just enough rest here and there to keep from keeling over. Though she had zero appetite, she’d made herself eat at mealtimes. And she most definitely had avoided seeing anyone in her family, apart from Cassie, Flynn, and Ruby, who were too wrapped up in their impending nuptials to notice that anything was wrong with her too-bright smiles and forced laughter.
For any other family members who had tried to reach her, she’d replied via text, rather than calling or seeing them in person. God forbid the tone of her voice or the bags under her eyes should alert them to her emotional state. The last thing she wanted was for her problems to overshadow Cassie’s wedding. What’s more, if her brothers or father had thought Nash had broken her heart, they’d hunt him down. Even if she explained to them that none of this was Nash’s fault—and that if she’d had the choice to do it all over again, even knowing the pain that would come, she would still give Nash her body, heart, and soul—they would think they needed to avenge her.
“There you are.” Lola found Ashley standing beneath the rose arbor and looped elbows with her. “How have you been? I’ve been dying for an update on your sexy rock star, but things have been too crazy with work and doing Cassie’s final fitting.” Lola pinned her with a look. “I really hope you decided to have some fun with Nash after all.”
Fun. It had been so much more than fun.
Ashley was trying with all her might to hold herself together, but she knew all it would take was one word out of her mouth for Lola to see what a complete and total mess she was. Even without Ashley saying anything, unfortunately, Lola was starting to look seriously concerned.
“Hey, Ash—”
But Ashley wasn’t listening. Because Nash had just walked into Cassie’s backyard.
Oh God. She’d been trying to prepare herself for this moment. But nothing could have prepared her for the impact of seeing him again. She felt like all the breath had left her lungs, her skin was on fire, and her brain had ceased to function.
How on earth was she going to pretend throughout the wedding ceremony and reception that she didn’t love him with everything she was? How could she possibly act like her heart wasn’t shredded to pieces?
Kevin ran up to Nash, talking animatedly. Nash grinned and put an arm across his shoulders. They were good friends after working together on the van.
But when Nash looked up and saw her watching them, he dropped his arm from Kevin. She’d told him that her son was her first priority and that she couldn’t allow her relationship with Nash to jeopardize Kevin in any way. It sickened her that it had come to this—that Nash was afraid to make even the slightest friendly gesture toward her son in case Josh found out and tried to take Kevin from her.
Anger simmered inside her, hotter than ever. But though she was furious with Josh for trying to control her life with his threats, this wasn’t just about her ex.
Ashley told herself that a good mother wouldn’t fall in love with a rock star with a checkered past, even if he was so handsome it took her breath away. On the contrary, a good mother would do whatever it took to ensure her child’s happiness.
But even as Ashley reminded herself about the rules she’d lived by for the past eleven years, she couldn’t hide from the fact that her mother had managed to raise seven children without subjugating who she was in the process. Beth Sullivan hadn’t been perfect, she hadn’t been faultless, but she’d always been an amazing mother. Although, since Beth hadn’t gotten pregnant in high school, she hadn’t needed to spend the rest of her life trying to atone for such a big mistake the way Ashley had.
“Ash, what’s wrong?” Lola finally got her attention.
But Ashley couldn’t talk about it, or she’d break down in tears. And then she’d ruin her sister’s big day. “I promise to tell you everything later. Today is about Cassie, not me.” When it looked like Lola might argue, she insisted, “I can’t. I just can’t. Let’s focus on Cassie and Flynn and Ruby and make sure they have the best wedding ever.”