“He said the look on your face when you figured things out was like lightning hit you.”
“I suppose it felt like that, in a way.” I close my eyes. “It was fundamentally startling.”
As I think about how I felt on the craft, so close to Kianna, something suddenly becomes clear in my mind. “My promise to my father, I’ve been thinking about it the wrong way. I need to focus on the spirit of the thing, not the words. I can’t be locked into that.”
She nods.
I stand up straight and look into her eyes. “I release you from your promise to me. Do you release me?”
“I do.” She smiles.
I pull her into my arms for a hug. “Thank you. I will never forget this.”
Kianna
* * *
I take a breath and knock. “Cressa?”
She’s down the hall from me in the dorm, but I’ve never visited her quarters.
When she opens the door, her eyes are red. Once she realizes it’s me, her face goes stiff. “Kianna, I don’t want to talk to you right now. Anyway, don’t you need to get ready for your ceremony?” She glances at my arms. “Is that your gown?” Her voice goes up. “Mother Earth, do not tell me that you’re asking me, of all beings, to help you prepare.” She narrows her eyes and starts to close the door. “Go to your best friend Mirelle for that.”
I put my foot into the opening so she can’t close the door. “Wait.” I swallow hard. “You’re not going to help me get ready. I’m going to help you.”
I raise my arms up, offering her the gown. And the crown of flowers that I made using the blossoms I started picking with Mirelle. “Please.”
“Are you mocking me?” She blinks.
“Can I please come in? It’s important.”
The tone of my voice, or maybe something in my face convinces her. She opens the door wider and steps back.
I enter. It’s homey and warm, full of bright colors and pretty fabrics. I place the gown on her main hoverseat and lay the wreath beside it.
“Cressa, I’m not getting mated to Arc and Bow.” I wind my hair back into a ponytail with my hands, then let it loose. “But I think you should.”
“What?” She’s so
startled that she stands still, and her mouth hangs open. The look of joy and trepidation in her face kills me.
“You should have them. Not me.”
“What, you don’t want them anymore, so I should take your leftovers?” Her voice is scornful, and then she starts crying. “What are you doing?” She sinks down and puts her face into her hands. “Oh, Mother Earth. Help me.”
I tentatively put my hand on her shoulder. When she doesn’t brush me off, I hug her. “Cressa, they don’t love me. And I don’t love them. It was all a big mistake. They are young and thought they should ask me, and I only said yes because, well, that’s complicated. But we don’t belong together.”
“I knew that much.” She sniffs.
“That planet rotation at the grotto? You asked about one of them becoming a lieutenant?”
“Arc,” she says immediately, looking up, her eyes shining. “He’s so smart and talented!”
“Yes, and I can’t even remember which one it was.” I flush. “That’s how unmatched we are.”
I add quickly, “And they have nothing to say to me. But when you came up that day, they both lit up. Like they were full of joy.” I shake my head. “I’ll never feel that way with them. And they won’t, with me. It would be wrong to accept their crystals. We’d all of us be miserable, eventually.”
“I love them. So, so much.” She swallows. “And I was dying because you were going to mate them, and you don’t even care for them! I could see it. Everyone can see it. Everyone who bothers to look, that is.