“Not all that great, Jana. I was an asshole to my girl and now she won’t talk to me.” A smile ghosted around her lush mouth and that was good enough for me. For now, anyway. “I really am sorry about the shit I said. You were right, I was stuck and unwilling to do shit about it, and I blame my shitty behavior on my lack of sleep. And jealousy.”
She blinked. “I would never.”
“I know,” I cut her off. “You’re not that kind of woman and it was my own stupid mind fucking with me.” I grabbed her hand and laid it over my heart because I needed her to know how I felt. “It was a lack of sleep combined with my growing feelings for you, and my inability to express those feelings. But none of that was on you and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“Thank you for saying that, Max. It means a lot.” Tears shimmered in her eyes, but Jana was stronger than she knew, and she willed them back.
“You were right about a lot, actually. I talked to Dr. Singh and he recommended some different treatments we’re trying out.”
This time her smile was full watt and genuine. “That’s wonderful, Max. I am so happy for you.” I could tell she meant it and it only made me love her more.
“You made me want to get better, Jana. I want to be better for you, so I can kiss you awake every morning. Reach for you in the middle of the night because I can’t wait another minute to have you. That’s what I want. Tell me it’s not too late.”
She opened her mouth to speak but I pressed a finger to them.
“First, I want to show you something.” I pulled her along until we were damn near at the fire exit before I stopped in front of her, clasping her hand in mine. “I asked Moon if I could do something for tonight.” I stepped aside to reveal the painting I’d spent the past few nights working on. “The Doc told me to paint something meaningful, something that brought me peace. This is what came out.”
She turned and stared at it, released a little gasp. “Oh Max, it’s beautiful!” She didn’t turn to look at me because she was captivated by the painting, leaning in to take in all the details. “This is fantastic, the purples and blues…it looks almost velvet.”
The awe in her voice had a warmth spreading through me and I found myself smiling. “Thanks. When I close my eyes, this is the thought that brings me peace.”
She straightened, mouth slightly open as her big brown eyes stared up at me in awe. “Max, it’s so beautiful. And that night…it was magical.” Her voice choked up and her eyes grew damp with emotion.
“It was the best damn night of my life, Jana. You were everything I never knew I needed.”
One tear fell and her face lit up in a breathtaking smile. “Me too. When you reached out and held my hand, it was the first time a man had just held my hand.”
“Jana,” I grabbed her hands and pressed them against my heart again, let her feel how it raced. For her. “You know, I came here tonight with one goal. Getting you to forgive me. That was as far as I’d gotten, well that and the painting but only once it was done did I realize what it meant.”
Hope shone in her eyes. “Oh yeah?” I was happy to see a little bit of spark and sass back in her eyes.
“Hell yeah. Looking at the sketch of you, seeing the strength you don’t even realize you possess. The light that shines inside of you, even after the shit hand you were dealt as a kid, and the way you’ve made a life for yourself. It’s all there in the picture. Or maybe I just see it because I’m in love with you.” It wasn’t the most elegant way to tell her, but I wasn’t an elegant guy.
“I’m sorry, you what?” Eyes wide, she stared up at me completely in shock.
She really didn’t know. “I love you. Or more accurately, I’m in love with you. Is that news to you?”
Her head bobbed up and down. “It is. Are you sure?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at my adorable little accountant. “I am. I was miserable without you, missing you ate me up inside and it wasn’t just the sex or your gorgeous figure. It was your laugh, the way your whole face lights up when you smile.” I reached out to her, letting my thumb slide d
own the silky skin of her cheek. “I love you, Jana. It’s that simple for me. I’m getting help and I want you to give me a second chance.”
She looked up at me, grinning awkwardly but not trying to hide her face from me. “I.” She opened her mouth and snapped it shut with a nervous grin. “I love you too, Max. But I’m scared.”
I placed my hands over hers, hoping her touch would calm my racing heart. “You think I’m not? I’ve never been in love before, this shit is all new to me. But I want to be with you. I want to see if we can work, the right way this time.”
“What is the right way?” Her question was genuine, and I had to smile because I had no real clue.
“I don’t know, but I think we can make our own rules. I’ll stay two nights a week to start and more as the nightmares lessen. Or fade.”
“Max.” The way she sighed my name, like I was something precious to her had me drawing closer, placing my hands on her hips. “You mean it?”
“I do. You think I don’t want to wake up with you in my arms every morning? Because I do, so damn bad.”
“I’d like that.”
Fuck yeah! Her soft, affectionate smile hit me right where it counted. “Yeah?”