“You’re not going to find her without rest.”
My dad looked at me, and as I stared back, I saw the loneliness. The bone-clawing sadness instilled in him. This man was holding on by a thread, desperate.
“She is still alive,” I said.
“Son, it has been ten months. The woman I love, who I have always loved, she has been in hell for nineteen years. That kind of … I won’t stop until I bring her home and then…”
He didn’t finish what he was saying.
“Then what?”
“Then she will get to live whatever life she wants. I will remove Alexander from her life. She and Sian can … they will find some level of peace.”
“Sian’s mine, Dad. We’re not giving her up.”
Lucas laughed. “Oh, Gideon, I know I raised you to be a spoiled brat. To go after what you want and to take it. The world will not bow down for you and give you anything, but in our world, there are rules.”
“There are rules out there.”
“You boys were initiated. That’s never going to change. Sian’s initiation is in question,” Lucas said.
“What? Why?”
“In light of what Alexander did, Sian will have to make a choice. She can live without The Society. Walk away from it completely.”
“But that means us,” I said.
Lucas nodded. “Yes. When all of this is over and Alexander has been dealt with, she will be given a choice. One that only she can make.”
“I … no,” I said. “That isn’t fair.” I sounded like a child to my own ears.
“Life isn’t fair.” Lucas laughed. “You know on the day of the accident with Joan, we were with Alexander that day. None of us knew why we suddenly passed out.” Lucas slammed his hand down on the desk and shoved himself off, going toward the window. “It was him. I remember it so fucking clearly now. He told us we all needed to celebrate and he’d been brewing this drink for just the occasion. An already opened bottle of champagne. I didn’t question it at the time and then we all drank. I was so fucking happy, so was Joan. We were moving on to our next stage in life.” My dad rubbed at his eyes. “After that drink, it was like we’d gone into a nightmare.”
“You didn’t suspect him?” I asked.
“He was our friend.” Lucas shook his head. “There’s nothing I can do now.”
“You can, you can bring him in. Free Joan and Sian. Free my mom from this life. You live together, but you’re not happy. Neither of you are. That can’t be good for you both.” I loved my parents, but I knew they weren’t happy and hadn’t been in a long time.
“It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Save Joan. Reunite mother and daughter. Clean and clear.”
“It is.”
“Joan has to make the same choice, Gideon. It’s not a guarantee she’ll want anything to do with us. Nothing is.”
I wanted to tell him that if she loved them as much as they believed, she would pick them. When it came to Sian, I didn’t know what she’d pick. It wasn’t like I had given her a choice in anything.
Falling in love took time.
After Heather’s death, talking to her had been so difficult. She’d been impossible to reach through her pain.
My dad called it a night and I left, going into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.
Sian was already there, sitting at the counter, drinking from a mug. The scent of chocolate was heavy in the air.
“Have you stopped being vegan?” I asked.
“No. Your dad has started buying plant milk, and some dark chocolate is vegan. I checked.” She sipped at her drink. “It’s good.”
I took a seat as Sian drank her hot chocolate.
“You don’t have to sit with me,” she said.
“I want to.”
“How is your dad?” she asked.
“Angry. Hurting. The same.”
She nodded. “How are you?”
“Wondering about you. How are you holding up?” I asked.
“Oh, you know me, I can handle everything thrown at me. Found out my father is a giant asshole, not that it was a huge revelation. My memories of him were always far from being warm and cozy.” She sipped at her drink. “And today after everything, I had sex with Dante in the grass near one of the big oak trees.”
I stared at her. “You did?”
“Yep.” She looked at me over the rim of her cup. “Are you pissed off with me?”
“What? No? Why?”
“I fucked one of your friends.”
“Sian, this isn’t a competition. We followed the rules, and there’s no judgment here. You like Dante?”
“I like all of you. You not so much, not when you’re being an ass and think you know better.” She chuckled. “I feel this needs alcohol.”
“You want me to get you some?”
She shook her head. “No. I think I’m going to keep my drinking to a minimum. I need to stay clear-headed.” She sighed, taking another sip. “You know, I wondered what my mom was going to say to me, or tell me what to do.”