Bucked

“You don’t have any surprise plans with him tonight?” I can almost hear the sarcasm in her text.

“Nope, but I’ll let you know if anything changes between now and when you arrive.”

“You better,” she writes back. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” There’s a pause. Then, “And this time, you better tell me everything. I’m bringing wine.”

Exactly as I feared. Ah, well. Still, it might be nice to talk about what’s going on with Kanen. When I woke up this morning I was a little shocked at myself, remembering what we had done. As amazing as it was, I’ve never been the kind of girl who has sex on the first date. Much less the first week I meet somebody. I was a virgin before Jeffrey and haven’t had anyone besides him. Until now. And what’s really freaking me out is that Kanen hasn’t called or texted. I’m not sure why; maybe it’s because I didn’t invite him to spend the night. But he didn’t seem very keen to do so, and I thought maybe we should put the brakes on things before it got too out of hand. Maybe that was a big mistake.

What if he thinks of me as a one-night stand?

What if I think of him as one?

Maybe it’s good that Lacey is coming over—maybe she’ll give me some much-needed perspective on what’s going on with Kanen. And also, maybe she can help me think of an excuse to quit my job, one that won’t piss everyone off. There’s no way I want to go back into that torture chamber for feet they call a restaurant, but if they’re counting on me I would feel bad leaving them in the lurch. And Lacey was nice enough to recommend me. I hope she’s not upset.

I give the house a quick once-over, tossing any evidence of my budding obsession with Kanen into my room. I hide the rodeo program that has his face on the cover and the flowers he picked for me as we were leaving last night. Even my makeup sitting out from when I got ready for my date. Lacey’s just got that kind of mind that fixates on every single detail that’s out of place, and I’d rather try to make sure she knows only what I want her to know. To be in control. But one glance at the cover of the rodeo program, and I’m already lost. He just looks so incredible, his dark eyes, his dark hair, that black hat shading his scowl. That tattoo that so perfectly brings out the lines of his shoulder, so broad and powerful. The bull that goes across his chest. I’m overcome for a moment and I kiss the page before blushing bright red and tossing the program under my pillow.

It’s just in time, as the buzzer goes off. I run down the stairs and open the door to Lacey.

“Here it is, I brought your favorite,” Lacey says, holding up some Barefoot wine. “I’m hoping it’ll work like truth serum.” Her grin is infectious, and I’m suddenly glad she’s shown up.

“You should be some kind of interrogator,” I laugh. “I can’t keep anything from you, can I?”

“I hope not!” Lacey grins. “Let’s go upstairs.”

After two glasses of wine, just as I expected, I open up myself to Lacey and tell her everything. Every detail, and each one seems more shocking to her as I went on. How we went to that special place in the woods by the lake, how we drank champagne but left the steak and potato salad since things progressed, and how he went down on me before we had mind-blowing sex. I finish off telling her that he dropped me off at home.

“Okay, stop right there,” she says, putting her hand out, palm facing me. “Let me get this straight.” Uh-oh, I think, things don’t sound too good already. “He didn’t even take you out to dinner?” Her eyebrows are coming together in what looks like shock and awe. “He took you to some pond? And you guys fucked, then he didn’t even stay the night?”

“Well I didn’t see it quite like that,” I say. “I think the place is really special to him? Or something? Plus he brought a beautiful bottle of champagne, and he had dinner made for us.”

“Yeah, real special.” Lacey sounds pissed. “He got you drunk and banged you at a pond. I don’t know if you realize this, but Kanen has money. He’s not your regular average guy even if he does drive an old beater truck. He can afford to take you out for dinner, and show you a good time. I would expect that he would take you to the nicest restaurant in the city.” She’s scowling. “This is not what I would have expected from him at all, and I think you should be pissed as well. A pond!”

“But you know that I don’t care about stuff like that.” Oh God. Is she right? I’m starting to wonder. It’s true, I don’t care about those sorts of trappings, but I hope the date doesn’t somehow mean that he thinks less of me.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re into it or not, he should do it anyway,” Lacey says, reflecting my thoughts. She stands up, warming to the subject. “It’s supposed to show you that he takes you seriously and doesn’t just see you as some kind of hooker. A pump-and-dump!” Her eyes are flashing and she’s waving her wine glass around dangerously.

“Hooker?” I’m puzzled. “Wait a second, if he spent a lot of money on me for dinner, wouldn’t that make me more of a hooker?”

She scoffs. “Oh Chastity, you have soooo much to learn.” She’s shaking her head now. “And I have so little time to teach you.”

“I know I’m not very experienced when it comes to men, but I find it hard to believe that I’m doing everything wrong.”

I mean, I was married. I didn’t fuck that one up, so why is this so bad? Or did I fuck it up? Jeffrey did say he didn’t love me anymore.

“Yeah me too—I’m surprised to realize you’re doing everything wrong as well,” she retorts. “Men are pretty simple, Chastity. They don’t chase what they already have. You’re supposed to make a guy wait until he acts like you want him to act, before you reward him with anything. Especially sex. That’s the big one!”

“But sex isn’t supposed to be some kind of reward,” I say, embarrassed that my mind flew to something else completely when she said “the big one.” “Sex is supposed to be a thing you do together. Something you share!”

“Yeah, okay, that may be true, but that’s after you’ve been together for a while. If you give it away too early, they never take you seriously.” Lacey takes another sip of wine and looks at me sternly over the glass. She sits down across from me again. “You should count yourself very lucky to have me,” she says. “But it might be too late for this particular bronco.”

“Too late?”

“Yeah. Like, has he even gotten in touch with you today?” I don’t want to face the judgment in her eyes, but I have to tell her the truth.

“Well, no.” Kanen, why haven’t you called? I think. She’s right.

“Checkmate!” she says. “See? You screwed up big time already, and all because you were too available. You went out with him the very night he asked, he didn’t even take you to a good place, and then you guys did it. On the dirty old ground! Just tell me you didn’t give him a blowjob.”

“Um, no,” I say, faltering. “I sure didn’t.” To me it had all seemed really romantic, having sex out there in the wilderness. By a lake. With champagne. And he went down on me. I didn’t think of it as just “fucking on the ground.”