Bucked

“You’re sure?” she says. I think she’s lost all respect for me. And maybe Kanen has too.

“I’m sure,” I say. This is dismal. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I should have hung out with you last night instead of him.” Dammit. Why did I go out with him? Why didn’t I listen to Lacey? Why did I listen to myself? All I wanted to do last night was hang out in front of the tube and get my ice cream on.

“Of course you should have,” she says, magnanimously. “Maybe things are different where you’re from, but down in Texas the boys all want one thing. And if you give it to them right away, that’s all they’ll ever want.” She nods to herself, her eyes faraway.

“Really?” I ask.

Maybe it’s true. Maybe Texas is completely different. Well, not completely. I think the guys up in Canada were always pretty crazy into sex too. I just never gave it to any of them—except for Jeffrey. And I didn’t rush into it with him either, but I know now that that was because I wasn’t all that physically attracted to him. Maybe Lacey’s right. Maybe things are the same all over. And I’ve just completely screwed up. Dammit.

“Well, now we’re going to need to strategize,” Lacey says. “Very first thing is you don’t get in touch with him,” she says. “No texts, no phone calls, don’t try to run into him somewhere, and if he shows up at the restaurant, I’ll serve him.”

“Even if he shows up at the restaurant?” I say. “That’s hardcore, Lace. And also, I should tell you, I was thinking of quitting.”

She smacks herself in the forehead with the palm of her hand. “Oh, Chastity, you are one hot mess.”

I take a lonely sip of my wine, and stare off into space. Maybe she’s right. My new life seems more hopeless than the one I left in garbage bags up north.

“Aww. Don’t look so glum, chum,” she says, finally relenting. “If it’s salvageable, we’ll save it. How much of a relationship can you have with a guy called ‘the Wrecker,’ anyway? And if we can’t fix it, then we’ll figure out a way for you to meet other dudes.”

I can hardly believe it, but when she says that, my heart drops into my chest. It’s a quick and sudden pain, but it hurts almost more than the ache of losing Jeffrey. With Jeffrey, it was the life we built together that I was going to miss, and he was obviously a big part of that. With Kanen, it’s the chance for real happiness that I’m losing.

Nineteen

Kanen

I drive by Chastity’s restaurant on the way home from the center. I mean to stop, maybe get some lunch, see if she wants to chat. Part of me does, anyhow. Even if I don’t even know for sure if she’s working today. But when the time comes to hit the signal, and to make the turn, I just... don’t. I keep going. I head back to my place, the property I cleared mostly with my own two hands.

After Mama died, and the money started to roll in, I decided to move away from all the pain that had been seeping into my life since I was born. I didn’t sell her property, because then I wouldn’t retain the rights to the oil if I did. Instead I bought a large new piece of land out of the city, one with a nice lake on it. There are a couple reasons I didn’t tell Chastity that it was my lake I brought her to. For one, it just seems like such a douchey thing to say. “Hey, girl, do you like my lake?”

I sigh. How can someone own a lake, anyway? Why the land only belongs to som

e of us never has made much sense to me. I guess that’s one way that I get along with the old values. People oughta share the land. Nobody can really own it. But when that changed in this country, it was like a war was going on. And now I still fight that old war, both inside myself, and outwardly, albeit in my own small way. I buy up land, and I make sure that the people who need it, have it. Like the land under the center for those kids, and the new one that’s going to go up in the Pacific northwest. The other reason I didn’t tell her is because I don’t want her to think I’m just a pile of money, a windfall, in the same way that I was seen as just trailer trash as a kid.

That’s why the house I live in, while not exactly modest, is a bit strange for me to have. I made more than a few concessions to luxury, sure. I need to have a location I can meet with investors from in and out of the country, so there is a beautiful guest house. The main house is pretty darn big for one man, and there’s an onsite meeting room with a pool. But when it’s just me, I prefer to strip down to the buff and take a dip in the clear lake water than jump in some pool that does its best to look like rocky lake and shoreline, but in reality is just a chlorinated, bleached pretense. I might not be your typical man with money, however. Most of them don’t sleep under the stars whenever they can.

Ah well. Such is my life. Making the inner man and the outer man meet is my continual struggle.

It’s lonely sometimes. I wonder if Chastity likes skinny dipping? The mental vision of her sweet body, her perfect breasts, her ass, and that unbelievable pussy makes me forget to hit the gas when the light turns green, until an impatient honk sounds behind me.

Before long, I find myself checking the rear view, pumping the brakes and turning the car around. Maybe Chastity is working today, and I am feeling a little peckish. I could use some lunch.

A man’s gotta eat, after all.

Twenty

Chastity

Lacey comes running toward me. I’m doing my best to wedge on these high heels—the ones I bought under duress to see if I could make it through a few more days of waitressing.

“Oh my God, Chastity,” she says, grabbing my arm with two hands, “you’ll never guess whose truck just pulled into the parking lot!”

I look at her wearily. “You don’t think so? I’ll bet I’ve got a pretty good idea, since you’re this excited.”

That’s the last thing I need to see today, Wrecker’s old yellow truck. I hardly slept last night after Lacey came over to berate me about my failings with men. I was too busy crying. Now I’m trying to repair the damage to my puffy eyes with some black eyeliner, but I don’t think it’s working. I just look like a very tired raccoon jacked up in heels.

“Yeah, well, you just might be right. Now remember what I said, you don’t serve him!” She looks at me sternly. “I’ll serve him.”

“I’m too tired to argue, Lacey, whatever you think is fine.”