“Great, so everyone in this school has a key to my room?”
“Not anymore. Only I have a key now.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” As I say the words, I already know that it does, and I hate it. I hate that out of all people in that group of guys, Q makes me feel like he is the lesser of two evils.
“I don’t really care how you feel. Now, take the fucking blanket and go back to sleep.”
“No.” I shake my head and wrap my arms around my legs so I can rest my cheek on my knees. “Just leave me alone.” The words come out half-hearted, knowing he won’t listen anyway. Still, I close my eyes and hope for the best.
Of course, I was right. He is not going to leave me alone. Instead, he throws the blanket on top of me. Startled, I try to kick it off, but before I can manage, I’m lifted off the floor and pulled onto Q’s lap.
“What the hell are you doing?” I object but stop struggling immediately because I involuntarily rub my ass over his crotch with every move I make.
“Just shut up and go to sleep.”
Stunned into silence, I stay quiet as he wraps the blanket around me and holds me to his chest tightly, cradling me like a small child. I don’t realize how stiff my body is until my muscles start to hurt, shaking with exhaustion, and I’m forced to relax a little.
As soon as I do, I sink deeper into his hold, and I inwardly curse myself for letting this happen. I know it’s a trick, a game he is playing, but I can’t help but grab on to this small amount of comfort. Even if it’s not real. I’m so fucking tired. My body is drained, and all I want to do is sleep.
My eyes flutter shut without my permission, and I let my cheek rest against Q’s chest. He is so warm… and he smells good… I still hate him, though. I hate him for who he is and what he did to me today. I hate him.
“I hope I slobber all over your stupid shirt,” I murmur against his chest, drawing a low chuckle from him. That’s the last thing I remember before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
For the first time since I got here, I wake somewhat rested. It takes me a moment to get my bearings and realize where I am. I’m still curled up on the floor, hidden behind my bed, but instead of cold and unbearably uncomfortable, I’m wrapped up in a cocoon of thick blanket, my head resting on a fluffy pillow.
Still slightly disoriented, I look around the room and find it empty. If it wasn’t for the pillow and blanket that smells of him, I would say last night was a dream. I still don’t know why he showed up and pretended to care, but I already know nothing good will come from it.
He said so himself. He isn’t sorry about forcing me to give him a blow job in front of his friends. The memory of that invades my mind, and my stomach churns. He used me to get off before, but no one saw that. It was easier to twist it in my mind and make it into something it wasn’t.
Nothing about what he did to me in front of those guys can be sugarcoated. It was nothing but degrading and violating. I have never felt so used and helpless in my life. I’ve also never experienced so much relief as when he made them stop. Quinton doing what he did to me is bad enough, but Matteo? I don’t think I would have survived his cruel touch.
I try not to read anything into it, knowing Q just doesn’t want to share his new toy. I already know that’s not going to last forever. He might have protected me from Matteo last night, but he won’t do that for long. I’ll need to find a way to protect myself if I’m going to make it another year, month, or day here.
I pull open the nightstand drawer and slide my hand to the back. When my fingers touch the cold metal, I wrap them around the thin chain and pull the bracelet out.
I put it there as soon as I arrived. Over the years, I have often carried it with me, waiting until the moment I could return it to Adela. Since that opportunity hasn’t presented itself yet, I’ve used it as a beacon of hope. A reminder that I’m strong and don’t need to conform. She gave me that bracelet during one of her moments of weakness, and I’ve used it as strength through some of my own. Strength. That thought reminds me that I’m late for PE.