The messenger gave it to me and I read it standing on the porch. The sun was setting. Mom stood in the screen door behind me, watching me fold the message and put it in my pocket.
"Mom," I said.
"Don't tell me anything I don't already know," she said.
She didn't cry.
Well, it wasn't Mars, and it wasn't Venus, and it wasn't Jupiter or Saturn that killed him. We wouldn't have to think of him every time Jupiter or Saturn or Mars lit up the evening sky.
This was different.
His ship had fallen into the sun.
And the sun was big and fiery and merciless, and it was always in the sky and you couldn't get away from it.
So for a long time after my father died my mother slept through the days and wouldn't go out. We had breakfast at midnight and lunch at three in the morning, and dinner at the cold dim hour of 6 A.M. We went to all-night shows and went to bed at sunrise, with all the green dark shades pulled tight down on all the windows.
And, for a long while, the only days we ever went out to walk were the days when it was raining and there was no sun.
THE GOLDEN APPLES OF THE SUN
"South," said the captain.
"But," said his crew, "there are no directions out here in space."
"When you travel on down toward the sun," replied the captain, "and everything gets yellow and warm and lazy, then you're going in one direction only." He shut his eyes and thought about the smouldering, warm, faraway land, his breath moving gently in his mouth. "South." He nodded slowly to himself. "South."
Their rocket was the Copa de Oro, also named the Prometheus and the Icarus, and their destination in all reality was the blazing noonday sun. In high good spirits they might almost have packed
along two thousand sour lemonades and a thousand white-capped beers for this journey to the wide Sahara. But now as the sun boiled up at them they remembered a score of verses and quotations:
"'The golden apples of the sun?'"
"Yeats."
"Tear no more the heat of the sun?'"
"Shakespeare, of course!"
" 'Cup of Gold?' Steinbeck. 'The Crock of Gold?' Stephens.
And what about the pot of gold at the rainbow's end? There's a name for our trajectory! Rainbow!"
"Temperature?"
"One thousand degrees Fahrenheit!"
The captain stared from the huge dark lensed port, and there indeed was the sun, and to go to that sun and touch it and steal part of it forever away was his quiet and single idea. In this ship were combined the coolly delicate and the coldly practical. Through corridors of ice and milk-frost, ammoniated winter and storming snowflakes blew. Any spark from that vast hearth burning out there beyond the callous hull of this ship, any small fire-breath that might seep through would find winter, slumbering here like all the coldest hours of February.
The audio-thermometer murmured in the arctic silence: "Temperature: two thousand degrees!"
Falling, thought the captain, like a snowflake into the lap of June, warm July, and the sweltering dog-mad days of August.
"Three thousand degrees Fahrenheit!"
Under the snow fields engines raced, refrigerants pumped ten thousand miles per hour in rimed boa-constrictor coils.
"Four thousand degrees Fahrenheit."