Hard Freak

Before I could act, he walked out of the elevator, and I came to my senses. Of course my place was beside him, but only if we worked all of this out. We couldn’t be together when he closed himself off so completely. Forcing that would only make trouble in the long run. I had to stand by what I’d said. If Crow wanted me, he had to come to me himself.

That thought made me want to weep.

Polly waited for me in the lobby, and she kept up a stream of chatter about plans for Wreckage. I was pretty sure she was only doing it to keep my mind off Crow, and for a while, it worked.

Just before we got in the van, I was sure Crow looked at me again. I had that prickly feeling on the back of my neck. It took all of my willpower not to turn around and look back at him. Again, I balled my hands with my nails pressing into my palms. If that’s that was what it took to keep me strong, I’d keep doing it.

For the first time ever, I didn’t look forward to getting onstage. I didn’t want to be in the limelight. I wished tonight was already over so I could crawl back into my bed. Life had become too hard.

Chapter 27

THE NEXT DAY, I DECIDED I had to face up to facts. Crow couldn’t meet with his sister, and I needed to tell her. She deserved that much. I also needed to apologize for my own stupidity. I’d misled her into thinking he wanted a reconciliation, and that was the worst thing I could’ve done.

I rang her and arranged to meet her in the early afternoon.

“There’s a cafe downstairs,” she said. “I’ll meet you there.”

I turned up early, my mind all over the place. This would be one of the hardest things I’d ever done. I hope she took it okay. I would never interfere like this again. Never.

It was one of those chintzy hotel cafes, all fancy china and teapots. The kind of place where I was scared I’d brush against something and break it.

As soon as she walked into the cafe, I recognized her. She had the same eyes as Crow, the same black hair. Even the way she walked was similar to him.

I caught her eye and waved. When she sat down, I wasn’t sure how to start.

“I really have to apologize,” I said. “I think I’ve made a big mistake.”

She nodded.

The fancy waiters came over and took our order. I wasn’t sure what I wanted. This wasn’t a time to eat. I just asked for a coffee. She ordered tea.

“He doesn’t want to see me,” she said. “I wondered.”

I picked up the salt shaker and twirled it in my hand. “He misses you,” I said. “I think he wants to see you, but he’s too proud and too shut off.”

I kept twirling that salt shaker, not looking up. Too cowardly to face the disappointment I’d see in her eyes.

“It was all a mess,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking straight at the time, and by the time I realized what was happening, I’d been taken away to live with relatives. For a long time, I was angry, but then the anger faded. By then, it was too late. Crow had disappeared. I tried contacting some of his old friends, but no one knew how to reach him. I guess I could’ve tried harder, but I didn’t want to face that he might not want to ever speak to me again.”

The waiter arrived with our drinks. Cindy took the teapot by the handle and began rotating it in small circles.

“Of course I’ve followed his career,” she said. “But that just made it more difficult to get in touch. He made himself inaccessible. But I had to come here if there was even a tiny chance he’d forgiven me.”

She sighed.

I wanted to say something to make it right, but there was nothing. He was unrelenting. I wasn’t sure if he’d give either of us a chance. That made me sad, not just for us but for him too, holding all that hurt inside.

Cindy kept swirling that teapot. I looked at my coffee but had no interest in drinking it.

“He’s hurting,” I said. “He keeps it all inside.”

She nodded. “I think for a long time, I did too. I wanted to believe everything was okay, but we’d lived through hell. Our father wasn’t a good man.”

I nodded.

“He told you? I wasn’t sure how much you knew. He never told anyone, ever. A few times, at school, we got sent to speak to people, counsellors and the like. The teachers suspected things weren’t right at home. But Crow pushed away their help. He said we’d deal with things on our own. And then...”