As to the debt? Fuck it. I did it out of loyalty to Graham, despite how badly he'd betrayed me. I didn't want anything to happen to him despite what he did to me.
Finally, I did it because I could.
I arrived at the safe house a few days later to talk to George before I went out of town.
"How does she seem?" I asked, keeping my voice as neutral as possible, despite the fact I felt less and less certain about my decision to force the issue between us.
"She is fine," George said, misinterpreting my intent, of course. I didn’t want her to be fine. I wanted her to feel lonely and upset and missing out on my company.
"What does she do all day when she's not at class?"
"She is very studious," George replied, nodding to himself. "Reads books and papers all the time. Writes on computer. No need to worry. She is not lonely. Too busy."
"Huh," I replied, trying hard not to show my frustration.
Of course, I could have found release in the company of one of the club regulars. Lila was always willing and able, but I couldn't take her vapid conversation and her focus on the way things looked. How rich I was, how much respect the thugs from the Romanov family showed me...
The truth was that I wanted Celia.
Later that day, I met my handler down by the docks south of the city, behind an old warehouse that had seen better days. I parked the SUV and turned off the engine, sitting with my cell, checking my texts to see if he was still on his way.
About five minutes later, Millar arrived, pulling up beside me, his window beside mine. I rolled down my window and he nodded, his dark glasses hiding his eyes from view.
I didn’t like that. I wanted to look in someone's eyes when I spoke to them to see if I could detect falsehood.
"You shouldn't have roughed up Stepan," Millar said. "His family's lawyer is pushing for an arrest. Can you believe it? The nerve of these thugs."
I shook my head. "That's the biggest joke of all."
"Well, it puts us in a very tough position. Since you've been named and we have video that puts you there, if we don't arrest you then too much focus could come down on us. You should have kept your nose clean."
"Look," I said, my fists clenched. "You gave me wide open rules of engagement. If I did nothing, none of them would respect me. If you really want me to get next to Sergei Romanov, I have to fit in. They have to believe I'm in this for real, and not a plant."
"This is my operation," Millar said, his voice firm. "I'm the one who developed the plan. I'm the one who changes it. Got that?"
"Hey," I said, holding up my hands in submission. "I'm doing my job. You want me to get close to Sergei. I can't do that unless he thinks I'm legit. A real wiseguy would have beaten up Stepan. That's the way they work."
"The way the cops work is when they have a suspect, they make an arrest."
I exhaled. Of course, it would look suspicious if they had direct evidence of me beating Stepan to a pulp and didn't even bring me in.
"What do you want to do?"
"We need to arrest you." Millar said. "We can pick you up or you could turn yourself in. We’ll put you in lockup for a few days, in a segregated unit, then you make bail, and when the case comes to trial, you can conveniently get off due to some technicality."
I gave him a dark look. "It's that easy, is it?"
"We have ways." Millar shrugged. "Sometimes, we have to cooperate with the bad guys to get the biggest bad guy there is."
"There's a slippery slope," I said ruefully. "Careful we aren't standing too close to the edge."
"I'm fine with my own morals," Millar said and glanced away. "I can live with myself and what our unit is doing. Can you?" He turned back to look at me pointedly.
"I sleep very well, thanks," I replied.
"What about Spencer Grant's stepdaughter? You fucking her or something?"
I glanced away, not happy that they were monitoring my every move. "We have a history."