“Since I got home.”
“And you never mentioned it.”
“By the time I’ve slept again I can hardly remember what it’s about and I can’t summon the dread once the sun’s up.” He brushed hair away and kissed the back of her neck, it put goose bumps all over her. She put her hand over his. “It’s usually a repeat pattern. I’m always running late and I never arrive and I let everyone down. People stand around and I should be there and I’m missing, just missing.” She shuddered, the dream was always filmy and grey, it was always raining. “I’m worried about going back to work. I’m worried about this having a lasting effect on Mia.”
Reece stroked her hair. “I don’t have any wisdom for you. I wish I did.”
“I’m not going to die.” That was the problem; she kept thinking about how close an escape she’d had.
He tugged her closer. “Not till you’re old and wrinkly.”
“I am going to have to fight to get my place back at work.”
“I’ll do whatever I can to help.” And he would, she had no doubt about that. In theory they should’ve set a date for him to move out, but she’d let that drift and he’d let her.
“Mia is going to get to sixteen and hate my guts in the normal mother daughter way.”
“Etta could give her lessons.”
Audrey hugged Reece’s arm tighter. “Thank you.”
He twisted a strand of her hair around his finger. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You’ve interrupted your whole life for Mia and me. You’re sleeping in someone else’s house, when you get to sleep, that is. You’re doing all kinds of chores that aren’t part of your job. I would be lost without you.”
In her dream there was always a figure standing in the shadows. She knew she had to get to that figure, indistinct but critically important. It stood steady, never moved, but though she rushed, and fought and tried different approaches, she never got any closer. She was blocked and waylaid and lost sight of where she was going; she was rushing and late and sick with worry.
She’d spent weeks thinking the shadowy figure was a metaphor for work, but what if it wasn’t? What if that figure was Reece and the reasons she didn’t want him to go were more profound than she’d expected?
His breathing was deep. The fingers in her hair had stilled. He was falling asleep. “Reece?”
He shook himself and withdrew his arm. “What?”
She could sleep now too.
He rolled out of the bed. “See you in the morning.” He went to his room and in the morning his laughter woke her. She bundled into her dressing gown and padded out to the kitchen. She’d been self-conscious about Reece seeing her looking so tragic in the hospital, and so mumsy and unglamorous now, but he’d never looked at her any differently, and it wasn’t like she needed to impress him.
He was dressed but he hadn’t shaved and Mia had discovered whiskers for the first time. And Audrey discovered a new reason to look at Reece, to want to lock him in the house and keep him. The stubble made him look rougher, darker, altogether more dangerous. His unshaven face fitted his size in a way that reminded her of it. She’d gotten used to the giant of him. The potential damage of him was thoroughly neutralised by the way he carried himself so carefully, but with that darkness on his jaw, around his mouth, she could imagine him as more intimidating.
“They grow in the night?” Mia shrieked with laugher. “What happens if you don’t take them off?”
Reece leant down so she could touch his face. “I’ll look like Santa.”
Mia shrieked again, almost falling off her stool. He’d look like a man to avoid in a shady alley, a man who made her heart beat much too fast under her daggy fleece dressing gown.
“I can sit on your knee and ask for presents,” said Mia.
Reece, ho, ho, hoed, and standing in the sunny kitchen listening to Mia giggle, it was easy to believe everything would be all right, despite screaming in the night, and very hard not to think about contriving a way to sit on Reece’s knee herself.
Of course that couldn’t happen. Reece and Mia had plans, a big day, lots to do and Audrey was seeing Les for a brief catch up on work, but now she wished she’d let that go for another day and tagged along with Sexy Santa and his Helper.
The house was desperately quiet when they left. She dressed and wandered around at a loose end and was grateful Les was early. And brought pastries.
“You’re still too way-heyhey too skinny, Aud. But you look better.”
Les looked different too, was it the suit, had she lost weight? “Have you changed your hair?” A safe query.
“I’ve, um. No.”