It’s bizarre, but I really do feel like I’m becoming part of this family.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep,” I point out. In the time I’ve been here, I’ve noticed Vince generally rises even before I do, and I take a lot more time to get ready for school. I thought sharing a bathroom on the same schedule might prove difficult, but Vince is usually at the gym first thing—the in-house gym—and apparently he showers there.
It does explain the physique I so enjoy, I guess.
“Maybe. I like looking at you in my bed,” he tells me, eyes twinkling. “Seems like a better use of my time than sleeping.”
I grin, stretching my arms out. “Well, when you put it that way…”
His hand doesn’t leave my back but he scoots closer, bringing my body against his. “I know I shouldn’t, but I like having you here.”
At that, I roll my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”
“You know what I mean,” he says, easily enough. “I didn’t want it under these circumstances, but I rest easier with you next to me.”
Snuggling my face into his chest, I murmur, “Well, I’m happy to be of service.”
For a few minutes, he just holds me. I find myself getting a little tranquil, ready to drift off, when his quiet words hit me like a bucket of ice water. “I didn’t want to do it, you know.”
I’m quiet, not sure what to say, but I think I know what he’s talking about. I’m tempted to cut him off, to tell him we don’t have to talk about it, but it’s a selfish impulse. We’ve never actually addressed what happened the night of the fire, and to be honest, I never really wanted to. If he needs to talk, though, I don’t want to shut him down.
“Do what?” I finally ask, when he doesn’t go on.
“Your neighbors.”
Damn. I take a breath, searching my brain for what to say in this scenario. “I figured as much.”
“When you saw me outside that night, I didn’t even know what to feel. Part of me was almost relieved. If you would’ve told on me, if I would’ve been caught, at least it would’ve been over.”
I pull back, frowning. “Well, it wouldn’t have been over. You would’ve been in jail, but probably not forever. Even if you were, don’t they… I don’t know, again, my knowledge comes from movies, but you wouldn’t really be ‘out’ of your family, right?”
“Mateo wouldn’t have let me go to jail. He doesn’t trust me.”
I don’t get it at first. I think he’s saying Mateo has enough influence to have kept him out of jail, but then how would he be out of anything?
Then it hits me, and I can practically feel the color drain out of my face. “He… he would’ve killed you?”
“Would’ve had to. I know way too much.”
“But you wouldn’t have talked,” I say, though I don’t know why I believe that. I guess I figure if I wouldn’t talk, surely someone born to this family wouldn’t.
“He wouldn’t have believed that though. They would’ve thrown the book at me, to try to get me to talk about him. He knows that. Wouldn’t have taken the risk.”
“But you’re family,” I point out, baffled.
Meeting my gaze, Vince tells me, “We have to be loyal to him, Mia. He doesn’t have to be loyal to us.”
Scowling, I tell him, “That’s not right. It should go both ways.”
“As long as it doesn’t inconvenience him, it does. But he doesn’t let anyone get in his way.”
I lean back into him, hugging him tightly. I was too afraid to report them anyway, but it scares me to know that if I wouldn’t have been, I might’ve gotten Vince killed.
“I try not to think about it,” he goes on, my head tucked beneath his chin. “But it’s harder at night, when I’m alone. I don’t know how Adrian does this without feeling it.”
I’m still not altogether clear on Adrian’s role in this family, but he seems to be Mateo’s right hand man, and he was there with Vince that night, so he seems pivotal. I want to ask, but it doesn’t seem like the right time.
“Maybe he doesn’t,” I suggest. I don’t know how either, but I try to come up with something comforting. “It’s not supposed to be easy to take a life,” I add, though I’m not sure if that’s helpful. It sounds more like a lecture, now that I think about it. “But what was the alternative? If you wouldn’t have done it, I assume it still would’ve happened, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So… really, it wouldn’t have made a difference. I assume things would’ve been worse for you, there would’ve been some penalty for disobedience. You only did what you had to do.”
“But I still did it. Me, not someone else. It doesn’t help to know it would’ve happened anyway; I don’t care about those people, I just….”