“Vince’s baby,” I finish, although my voice is hardly audible.
I hadn’t even thought of that. Not once. I’ve been lost in sadness and grief, and the practicalities of life, the basic principles of unprotected sex and the possible consequences hadn’t even crossed my mind. The night I had all that wine and Vince and I had really mean sex with each other, he didn’t use a condom. Mateo had asked when I was last with him, and even though it was humiliating, it was when things were so wonderful and I wanted to be honest.
Mateo nods. “Then Meg wouldn’t have to know, but you’d still get your baby.”
“So, if I’m not pregnant now, I never get a baby,” I say. Though, honestly, I hope I am pregnant. And I hope the baby’s Vince’s, not Mateo’s.
Vince’s final act of revenge—it would be a good one, too. Mateo would hate that, and it would make Vince really happy; the thought kind of makes me smile.
“You’ll still get your baby; it will just have to wait a while. A long while, if the current state of things is any indication,” he says, sighing and lying back on my bed, the way I had just a moment ago.
I despise the impulse to ask him what’s wrong. To let him put his head in my lap, to run my fingers through his dark hair and let him share his burden.
I will not do that.
“If Meg doesn’t change her mind though, I don’t get a baby.”
“I’ll give you a baby whether she changes her mind or not, that will just make things less pleasant. Accidents happen. Condoms break. But Meg isn’t my biggest fan right now either, so I need to wait a while before I pull something like that.”
I shake my head. “You’re awful.”
Sighing, he says, “You’re the wrong woman to plot with. Sorry, I’ll save my plotting for Meg.”
“She trusts you enough to share you with someone else, and you’re going to deny her the one thing she asked of you.”
Frowning, he looks up at me. “For you. You’re the one who wants a goddamn baby, Mia.”
“Well, I don’t want your baby,” I state, turning my attention back to the laptop.
This annoys him. He pushes himself up on his elbow, narrowing his eyes at me. “Bullshit.”
“Your genes are fucked up,” I state. “You’re all angry, explosive, soulless monsters. I don’t want to have a little monster. I’ll go to a sperm bank.”
He laughs shortly, amused. “Like hell you will.”
“Get some PH.D level sperm. Some doctor sperm. Maybe some NFL linebacker sperm. Really any other kind of sperm.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’ll ask Adrian for sperm,” I say, just to annoy him now.
Mateo rolls his eyes. “Elise will kick your ass. And he’s a soulless monster, too, remember?”
“Still better than having a Morelli,” I reply.
“Touché.”
“You have to start using a condom,” I tell him. “Or you have to let me have birth control. One way or the other, we have to do something. Maybe you don’t care about respecting Meg’s wishes, but I do. You never even spend the night with her anymore.”
“I’ve had my hands full with you. If you’d just hurry up and forgive me, we could all move on with our lives.”
Meeting his gaze, I tell him seriously, “I’m never going to, so I wouldn’t wait around for that.”
“I don’t believe that,” he says, turning over and crawling across the bed. He closes my laptop and moves it to the nightstand, then he sets himself up among the pillows.
“Well, you should. I told you I wouldn’t and I meant it. If you’re waiting around for my forgiveness, I’ll consider giving it to you at your funeral.”
“Ouch.”
I shake my head, not amused. “You crossed the line, Mateo. I told you where it was because I thought it would matter to you. I tried to stop you, I didn’t want you to ruin this, but you’re you and you can’t be bothered with limits. But people have them, and if you can’t respect that, then you have to be prepared to lose the feelings they had for you. I told you all this. Not even just as a warning that night, I told you all of this the first night we were together in this room, when I was trying to impart lessons that I paid a heavy price to learn.” I shake my head, so frustrated with him I can hardly handle it. “But you didn’t hear me. You didn’t learn. And you can keep me here, you can even fuck me, we both know I can’t stop you. But you won’t get back what you had those first three nights. You’ll never have my heart again.”
He studies me long and hard, his arms crossed, considering my words. Finally he asks, “Why would you want to live like that? You must’ve realized by now I meant it very literally when I said you would never leave me again. You’ve seen how far I’ll go to make sure of that. I won’t change my mind. I’m going to keep you here for the rest of your life. Why would you choose unhappiness? Why would you deny us both like that, when you have no alternative?”