I swallow down my aggravation and gaze down into the face of the woman who means everything to me. The woman I can’t fucking have. I think she’s a gentle breeze away from falling apart. She looks terrified and lost. Longing hits her with a shame chaser and she doesn’t know what to do with it.
“We should leave,” she finally says, swallowing, trying to push down all the feelings swelling up in her tender heart.
I nod my agreement. I should save her the trouble, I should let her out of this moment, but I don’t. I’m a selfish fucking bastard, and I want to soak up every last second. “We should.”
Instead of moving away from me, she slowly raises her arms and rests them on my shoulders. I can’t help feeling a little hopeful as her gentle hands move over my shoulders and she wraps them around my neck.
My heart pounds as she brings her body against mine.
She’s hugging me.
She’s just hugging me.
I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and pull her closer. I can feel her trembling ever so slightly so I move one of my hands up to caress her back, trying to reassure her.
I don’t even know what I’m reassuring her of.
Go ahead and hug me, I promise I won’t ruin your life?
Go ahead and kiss me if you want to, I promise I’ll make amends to anyone you can’t handle wronging?
Go ahead and do whatever you want, because my heart only beats when you’re around?
She leans her head against my shoulder and I squeeze her tighter.
I can pretend for as long as I want that she’s not the person I think of every night when I climb into bed and close my eyes, but I can’t make it true.
I can’t be happy without her.
Maybe she can’t be happy without me, either.
Regardless of how unhappy she is, Mia will never be the person who strikes the match that sets someone else’s world on fire. If our world has to catch on fire for me to have her, I have to be the one to do it.
She’ll never take what she wants if it means hurting someone else.
I will.
Just not her. Not more than necessary, anyway.
This is going to be messy, but I don’t care. Fuck it.
Like she can feel me plotting something she won’t like, Mia pulls out of the hug. Tries to pull away, but I keep a firm hold on her hips and yank her close. A helpless noise slips out of her, part denial, part yearning. I know she feels my cock pressing against her. I know she feels the evidence of how fucking much I want her. I’m sorely tempted to back her up against the wall, spread her legs, and slide my cock inside her. I can hear her crying out, feel her warm heat as she takes all of me.
Fuck.
The same desire coursing through my veins and making me so hard it fucking hurts is reflected back at me in her eyes. Mine is hard and wanting though, hers is vulnerable. I could take advantage of this weak moment, but she would pay dearly for it.
I can’t do that to her.
I want to—oh, how I fucking want to.
But I won’t.
I watch her struggle, but I don’t step in. I don’t turn her thoughts off and light her body on fire. I don’t fill her up with my cock, kiss the sensitive skin of her neck, hold her close while I fuck all these goddamn feelings into her.
Nope. I wait until she musters the strength to pull back, and this time, I let her.
She looks a little like she’s spinning out of control, like she can feel how close she came to the edge. Turning away from me, she heads for the door, like she needs to escape.
I could use a breather, too, if I wanted to emerge from this haze. I don’t, though. I want to stay here forever. I want to make my home in this haze.
“Well, thank you,” Mia manages, her voice wobbling as she tries to pull off an unaffected tone. “For coming to my rescue.”
I can’t help smiling. “Even villains save the day sometimes.”
Then she surprises the hell out of me by muttering, “I wish you were still a villain.”
Oh, does she, now?
“What was that?”
“Nothing,” she assures me, all innocence, as she reaches for the doorknob.
Oh no, she doesn’t get to utter something like that and slip away. I cross the small space between us and push her up against the door, reaching for her hand and steadying it. I hear her inhale sharply, feel her soften as my body presses against hers. I grind my hips against her ass so she feels how hard it is for me not to fuck her right now. Another helpless sound slips out of her and goes through my veins like the sweetest fucking drug. This is fucking torture. Her perfect ass is just right here, tempting my hands to grab it. Her pussy is so close, and I know how wet she would be if I touched her. I don’t just want to be inside her, I need to.