“I don’t love you, Chelsea.” Honestly, he didn’t think he could love. If he could, surely he would have been able to give Laura what she’d needed from him. And he hadn’t.
Tonight, while making love, holding Chelsea close, feeling her heart beat next to him, he could almost have believed.
In reality, guilt and grief over Connie’s death had left him vulnerable, left him wanting Chelsea to love him, left him wanting to believe he could love her like she deserved to be loved.
But he couldn’t and wouldn’t lead her on. Not any more than tonight already had.
If he and Chelsea were lucky, they’d be able to go back to their friendship. If they weren’t, he’d be looking to relocate somewhere far away from Madison, Alabama.
“Is it because of my back?”
“Your back?” he asked, momentarily confused by her question.
“My scars,” she said, not quite meeting his gaze. “You made me think you didn’t care, but truth is you wouldn’t be the first person to not be able to love me because of my flaws.”
Lord help him, he might wrap his hands around her parents’ necks if he ever got the opportunity.
“You’re not flawed, Chelsea. I am.”
She made a scoffing noise and pulled away from him, turning so that the moonlight hit her back, illuminating the lines down her spine. Although they weren’t the neatest scars he’d seen, they weren’t nearly as bad as Chelsea thought. Still, to a young woman the foot-long scar and its two mates must seem horrendous.
“Perhaps you didn’t get a good enough look.”
“Chelsea, turn around.”
With her arms crossed over her chest, she did so. Moisture glistened on her cheeks.
r /> Damn it. He didn’t want to hurt her.
“I’m sorry, Chelsea. I never should have come here tonight, because from the beginning I’ve known we could never be. I take full blame for what happened, for putting you in this position.”
“What position would that be?” she interrupted him.
“The position of thinking you’re in love with me.”
“How can you be so blind?” Adjusting her dress, she shook her head. “But you’re right about one thing, Jared.”
“What’s that?” he asked with dread, knowing he wasn’t going to like her answer.
“I do deserve better.” With that she spun and headed back to the beach house.
Chelsea hadn’t seen more than a glimpse of Jared all week. He hadn’t shown up for their morning coffee and stuck to his office when not with a patient.
But, then, so did she.
After their walk on the beach, he’d gone home. She’d hoped he’d bang on the door, demanding she let him in, demanding that she give him a chance to explain why his eyes had said one thing and his mouth something else entirely.
She’d gone to bed that night full of mixed emotions. Joy that she’d made love with Jared, that he’d looked at her with love, kissed her with love, that her scars hadn’t mattered to him. He cared for her just the way she was. Wherein came the problem. Jared cared, but not enough to take a risk on loving her.
Was he afraid of being hurt again? That if he loved, something might happen to her the way he’d lost Laura? Surely he had to see the folly of that thought process.
She’d hoped the morning would bring him to his senses, but he had gone back to avoiding her, and after a few abrupt attempts to talk with him that first morning, she’d opted to give him time, to let him digest what had happened between them. Maybe if she was patient just a little while longer he’d realize how special what they shared was.
What choice did she have?
Fortunately, she’d been busy planning Will’s birthday party for the following Friday night. But would it have hurt Jared to at least say hi and that he was considering what had happened between them?
He’d done nothing. Done nothing but avoid her.