She said the words lightly, but he saw the beads of sweat on her forehead.
“I’m sorry I made you fight so hard,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t nice.”
She looked at him quickly. “Neither was I.” Her breathing came quick and shallow. “It was hard for me to admit that my husband had a baby with the maid while I was still mourning all the sons we’d lost.”
“Honora—” Nico’s throat closed around her name “—told me how you’ve suffered.”
Her rheumy eyes filled with tears. “Three little boys. Two lost before birth. The other died before he was a month old. All had the same genetic disorder. After that, we made sure to have no more children. And then...” She looked down. “Then your mother ambushed us on the street in Rome. She pushed you forward, a sweet, dark-haired boy, and said Arnaldo was your father. He told me it was a lie, that your mother was just trying to get money. I wanted so desperately to believe him.” She grasped his hand. “And you are the one who suffered for it. I’m sorry.”
Nico felt a strange tightness in his chest. “So it wasn’t because I seemed unworthy? Useless?”
“Unworthy?” she gasped. “I looked at you on the street, this proud, black-eyed boy, and I wanted so badly for you to be mine. I would have done anything. All I could think of was how my own body had betrayed me, and would not give me what I wanted so badly.” She swallowed. “I couldn’t see past my own pain. And Arnaldo...he must have been ashamed.”
Nico stared at her.
“I
t was never about me, was it?” he said slowly. She shook her head.
“You were an innocent child, caught up in the lies of adults. When I saw you last night, I was finally forced to admit you were his. And I hated myself for letting my own insecurities and grief keep me from loving you long ago. As every child should be loved.” She tried to smile. “You are the brother of the sons I lost.”
In the distance, he could hear the siren of the coming ambulance. In the rhythm of the sound, he heard Honora’s voice: My parents made mistakes. They did the best they could. But I was never to blame. I was just a baby.
“Please, forgive me,” Egidia gasped as the paramedics hurried past the gate toward them. Looking down at her, his injured, elderly stepmother, who’d spent the entire night stretched out on cold stone steps, alone and scared, he put his hand gently on her shoulder.
“Only if you’ll forgive me, too.”
With a sob, she whispered, “Bless you.” The paramedics stabilized her leg and loaded her carefully on the stretcher. “And your sweet wife...”
“I’ll call the hospital later to make sure you’re all right,” was the best he could manage. But as he watched the ambulance depart, his heart felt strange.
It felt...lighter.
After all these years of being numb, of priding himself on his hard heart, he watched the ambulance disappear up the narrow cobblestoned street and felt like a burden had suddenly been lifted. Not completely, but just enough for him to be made aware of how heavy it had been all along.
He’d thought his father and stepmother had made some judgment about him when he was a child, that they had found him lacking. But their reasons for rejecting him had had nothing to do with him. They’d been dealing with struggles of their own.
Was it possible that all the times he’d felt ignored, unwanted, an outsider in his own home, it hadn’t been about him at all, but about other people’s insecurities and pain? His father’s shame? His stepmother’s anguish? His mother’s poverty and heartbreak?
Had Honora been right? All this time he’d thought he wanted revenge, had he really just been hungering for connection, to know his place in the world, to be recognized and seen?
He’d always believed that emotions were a sign of weakness. Anger was all he’d allowed himself. Was it possible that being courageous enough to feel joy, sadness and everything in between was the biggest strength of all?
It’s love that matters, Nico. Loving your family, but also loving yourself.
Honora’s sweetness, her kindness, her passion...all the times she’d sacrificed so much, and risked even more, in her amazing determination to make Nico happy, to make him whole—
His heart was pounding. He felt overwhelmed with emotion. All around him, soft golden sunlight seemed to glow over the village of Trevello with a kind of magic as he thought of her. He could almost imagine her on this street, helping Egidia with her groceries, walking the housekeeper’s little white dog, talking to everyone, smiling and kind...
Nico sucked in his breath.
He loved her, he realized. He was totally and completely in love.
This was what love meant. Honora was his family. His other half, his better half. He needed her. He would die without her.
With a sharp intake of breath, Nico turned and ran up the hillside. He had to talk to her. Now.
Reaching his villa, he threw himself into a cold shower to wash off the sweat. Pulling on a shirt and trousers, he remembered his private plane was still in New York. Grabbing his phone, he saw he’d gotten a text from Frank Bauer to say that Honora had arrived safely, and he’d dropped her off at her grandfather’s apartment at her request.