“Oh shit, you’re not pulling any punches,” he said.
“No, I’m done with that. This time I’m going for the TKO.”
He sighed. “Before you say anything, I’m not bitching out. It’s simply impossible to pick a defining moment. I could go all the way back to that night after the prom when we almost had sex. I think I knew it then on some level. But I was too young to really grasp the fullness of that feeling until college. When you started going steady with Kyle and it got serious. Jealousy ate me up from the inside out. Then you lost your V-card, and I fell face first into pussy. Because I thought, I could fuck you out of my head. It didn’t work, but I think I knew it affected you also, and I was petty. Willing to hurt you, too, if it made me feel better.”
“He was my attempt to move on. God, why did we waste so much time being idiots? All you had to do was say the word,” she said.
“No. As fucked up as I may be now, I was a wreck then. I would’ve ruined us. Hell, if I haven’t already.”
“Not just yet,” she said.
“Good to know. When did you know?”
“Ironically enough, after Kyle and I crashed and burned. He could never be you. I was always comparing and finding myself dissatisfied with him. My mom told me a million times what I felt for you was puppy love that would fade. The joke was on both of us when it never did.”
“Thank God. I could never trust another woman the way I do you.”
His words stunned her. “Then why?”
“Because what we have is ... unique. I don’t feel this way with anyone else. If I fuck up,” he shook his head, “I’d lose something irreplaceable.”
“But if you didn’t?”
“Then we’d live happily-ever-after. But how often does that ever happen?”
“Since when have we ever done anything the way most people do?” she countered.
He laughed. “Good point.”
Reaching the park, she pulled into the parking lot and parked. “We’ve done a number on each other, haven’t we?” she asked sadly.
“Only because we were trying to do what was best for each other.”
“Let’s stop doing that and just lay it all out in black and white.”
“I can try, babe. But there’s always many shades of grey in between, and I’m hard-wired to do what’s best for you. Don’t ask me to try to change that now.”
“Didn’t we just establish you aren’t always right?” she asked.
“It’s who I am, babe,” he said.
She scoffed. “We’re here. What do you want to do?”
“Sneak to the pavilion with me?” he asked.
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Won’t be the last either,” he said.
They climbed from her car and began the trek. As they reached the summit, she took a moment to admire the lights in the distance. The weather was unseasonably warm for this time of year. December without snow was a rarity. “Why is this time different, Enz? I’ve gotten my hopes up a million times, and I don’t want to be let down again.” She turned to face him, and he placed his hands on her hips. She could tell he’d sobered on the drive and the walk.
The moonlight showed his serious expression. “Because I finally have my head on half straight. I know you’re tired of waiting on me. I won’t leave you hanging anymore, Aibhlinn. I might stumble, and fall, but I won’t turn my back on you or push you away again.”
Scared of just that, she glanced down.
He gripped her chin. “Look at me.”
Obeying, she peered into his eyes.