For the last few weeks I’d been staying at Julian and Autumn’s ranch, needing to get out of this house and all the memories it held. I couldn’t keep up with the turmoil of it all, and I still had a business to run and patients to see.
I’d lost…
Our marriage.
Our love.
Her.
I’d lost everything that ever mattered to me, and it felt like my life was falling apart and spinning out of control. I couldn’t take it anymore, not my thoughts, or my questions, or my fucking patience. For years I’d prayed this was just a phase, another chapter in our lives, something we would work through and tell our kids about one day.
I was wrong.
Now I was facing our failures head-on. With a hole in my heart, I walked around our house that she’d made into a home. Remembering every moment we’d shared inside these painted walls.
From the first to the last, they played out in front of me. Everywhere I looked there was a memory or milestone we’d been through together.
“What do you think?” Kinley pointed to the three paint swatches on the wall in the living room. “Which color?”
“They all look the same to me.”
“Christian, those are three very distinctive colors.”
“They’re all white, Kins.”
“One is white, the other is off white, and that one is satin white. Can you see the difference now?”
I shook my head, laughing. “No.”
She teased, “Are you color blind?”
I smiled, tugging her toward me. “The only thing I’m blind for is you, sweetness.”
My fingers slid along the island in our kitchen, recalling the first time we stood there after closing on our house. We were so happy, so in love, so fucking consumed with one another.
I gripped onto her ass and lifted her up onto the island. Spreading her legs, I slipped in between them to kiss her neck.
“Christian!” she giggled. “I need to put the groceries away, and then I have to cook dinner.”
“The only thing I’m hungry for is you.”
She giggled again, making my cock twitch at the sound.
“We’re not going to have anything to eat!”
“Baby…” I kissed my way down her perfect body until I was on my knees in front of her, sliding down her panties. “I’m ready to eat now.”
She laughed, throwing her head back. It was one of my favorite sounds. As soon as she felt my tongue on her clit, she loudly moaned, and I ate what I wanted for dinner.
Step by step, I made my way through our home.
Hearing her laughs.
Seeing her smiles.
Feeling our love.
Starting from the front door where I carried her over the threshold, to the stairs where I made love to her for hours on end, to the travertine floors we’d spent entirely too much time at Lowe’s for. Every corner of this house held a memory of our life together.
There was no escaping it…
The good.
The bad.
“Christian!” she shouted. “You’re not listening to me!”
“How can I when all you do is yell at me? For fuck’s sake! I just walked in from a fourteen-hour work day, and you greet me with nothing but your bullshit!”
“It’s the only time I have before you go hurrying back to the hospital again to deliver another baby!”
“Well, at least someone is having babies around here!”
Over the years, we both said things we didn’t mean. Letting our anger speak for itself was never a good thing. It was one of the reasons we tried therapy, thinking it might help, it might repair what was broken between us. Or, at least help us talk to each other without screaming.
At first, I thought it was working until our problems became bigger than our love. Somewhere along the way, we lost respect for one another, and anything was free game when it came down to hurting each other.
Words had the power to cut you, and we’d been using our tongues as butcher knives for the last few years.
It wasn’t always like this. We were even featured in Home and Gardens—the successful doctor and his beautiful professor wife. A lot of time and devotion was put into every detail of this house, down to the pillows on the sofas, and the accessories she perfectly matched to the tones of the room. I had no part in that—it was all Kinley.
Saying it was the first home she’d ever had.
“Oh! You can’t use that throw blanket, Christian. It’s only for decoration.”
I grinned. “You bought a blanket we can’t use?”
She smiled. “But look how nice it looks.”
I eyed her up and down. She was wearing a light pink nightie. “I’m not looking at the blanket, sweetness. Come here.”
“Hold that thought. I’m going to go get my robe. I’m cold.”
Before she could turn around to leave, I grabbed her wrist and sat her on my lap. “Don’t worry, baby.” Sliding my fingers into her panties, I rasped, “I’ll have you burning up very soon.”