I stare at the name on the screen.
Eldest.
41
AMY
ELDER DOESN’T GET ON THE ELEVATOR.
“I’ve got something else to do,” he says. There is a dark, serious manner in the way he stands now. I never noticed how much he slouched until he stood up straight. Before, I knew he was the destined leader of this ship merely because Doc and Eldest told me he was. Now I look at him, and I can see the determined leader within.
A part of me wants to stay here, on this level, and protect my parents from whoever is clever enough to unplug the frozen people while we’re all down there on the same level, but I can see that Elder needs to be by himself down here, for whatever purpose, and I trust him to guard my parents.
“Elder, I think you should come back with us, meet with Eldest,” Doc says.
“Oh, I’m going to meet with Eldest,” Elder says, and he reaches over, pushes the elevator button for Doc, and stands back as the doors slide shut. Before they close all the way, he turns away from the elevator and strides purposefully down the hall.
“I think his chutz is up, don’t you?” Harley says in a conversational tone. He’s awfully cheerful for someone who’s just dumped a body out into space.
Doc harrumphs.
When the elevator stops, Doc storms off. I watch him, waiting for him to push that little button behind his left ear and snitch on Elder, but he doesn’t—he just keeps walking.
“Wanna go back to the Ward?” Harley asks, holding his arm out in mock chivalry.
“Let’s go to that garden Elder showed me,” I say.
“Oh, he showed you the garden?” A lopsided grin smears across Harley’s face. He starts to head down the hallway.
“It must be weird for him,” I say. “He’s the youngest one on the ship, but he’s also something of a leader. I don’t know if I could tell someone older than me to do something and expect them to do it. ”
Harley looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “You’re a strange one, Little Fish. ”
“How so?” I grin back, willing to play along.
“You’re thinking about how weird it is for Elder on the ship. But you’re the fish out of water. ”
I snort. “It’s easier to think of Elder than myself. ” Unexpected tears prick my eyes. I had not meant to say something so close to the truth.
When we get to the doors in the lobby, Harley holds them open for me, and I step out into fresh sunlight and the smell of grass after a light rain.
And the sweaty, musky smell of sex.
“Frex. Forgot about the Season for a second,” Harley says as a half-naked couple bump into him, so distracted by their passionate groping and kissing that they don’t even notice Harley standing there. “Let’s go back inside. ”
“Come on, we’ll just go away from the crowded areas. I don’t think I can stand being inside anymore. ” I think I will never like enclosed spaces again. When I was younger, before the freezing, I never felt claustrophobic. Now, even here, on the edge of a garden, outside, tight bands squeeze the air from my lungs, and my vision lingers on the walls that seem to constantly be pressing down on me. I close my eyes. If I let myself think about it, it’s so, so much worse.
“The light is good out here,” Harley says as we start down the path away from the Hospital. “Shite, I wish I had my paints!”
I laugh. “Go ahead. Get them. I’ll wait here. ”
Harley hesitates. “It’s not safe. Not now. ”
I think of the crowd of people I ran into on my first run. Now seems like the perfect time to be out—none of the people are going to care about me. They’re way too busy with each other.
“Seriously,” I say when Harley looks wistfully back up at the Hospital. “I’ll go to that wheat field. No one’s over there; they’re all in the garden or on the road. ”
“Come with me,” Harley says. He grabs my wrist and starts to pull me to the Hospital, but I wriggle out of his grip.