Her smile is small. “Never.”

“Exactly. I’m not going to start now.”

“I want a boyfriend.”

Her voice is so low, I almost didn’t hear her. “You what?”

Okay, I heard her. I’m just making her say it again. But why? So I can torture myself? I can’t be her boyfriend. I can be her friend and that’s about it.

“I want a boyfriend. I’ve never really had one,” she says, her voice louder, her gaze sliding to mine. “So I want one. But I don’t know exactly how to get one.”

“What do you mean? Carson seems interested in you,” I say. Little fucker definitely seems interested in her. Probably not worthy of her though.

No one really is.

“I’m the girl who’s always the friend to guys,” she stresses. “They never see me as anything beyond that. I’m terrified he’s going to think the same thing.”

“Then you have to do something about it,” I tell her.

She frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you think he’s interested in you as more than a friend, you have to give him non-friendly vibes.” I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I don’t want to encourage this. If she gets with this guy, our friendship will fade fast. He won’t want her hanging around me, and I wouldn’t blame him.

If I lose her to some other guy, I’ll miss her so damn bad. More than she’ll ever know. Can I risk that? If I tell her she shouldn’t date this Cars

on dude, then I have to give her a reason why. Because I don’t want her to—because I want her to be with me. But am I ready for that responsibility?

“What do you even mean, send him non-friendly vibes? I told you I’m not good at this thing. I’m kind of hopeless at it, actually,” she says, her voice getting stronger. “I don’t know why guys can’t see me beyond being a friend to them. You do that. You put me in the friend zone all the time.”

“Ellie—”

“Don’t bother arguing. You know it’s true. You kissed me once and then shoved me back in the friend zone corner, where you keep me at all times. You talk about how much you need me in your life. How you can’t imagine me not being there for you, yet you won’t give me what I want,” she says.

Her words are terrifying. Only because I want to give her what she wants. I’m desperate to, but I know in my heart, I would ruin everything.

I always do.

“And don’t give me those excuses about you fucking it up. I know how you operate. How you think you’re this giant piece of shit who can’t be loyal. Who can’t commit. You think I’m a scared little virgin? Well, you’re a scared little boy pretending to be a rock star who’s terrified of responsibility. It’s called being a grown up, Jackson.”

She crosses her arms in front of her chest, making a little harumphing sound that is decidedly not grown up.

I got so caught up in our conversation, Ellie’s apartment complex is suddenly right in front of us. I turn into the parking lot and pull into a space, throw the car in park and turn to look at her.

Ellie keeps her head averted, as if she doesn’t want to look at me.

I’m heated. I could continue this argument, but she’s right. And I don’t feel like fighting with Ellie right now.

I decide to switch gears.

“You’ve really never had a boyfriend?”

She turns her head slowly in my direction, her gaze meeting mine. The interior of my car is lit by an outside light, casting her pretty face in an orangish glow. “Yes, Jackson. I’ve really never had a boyfriend.”

A thought occurs to me and my eyes nearly bug out of my head. “I wasn’t your first kiss, was I?”

She looks vaguely horrified. “No.”

“How many guys have you kissed?”

Tags: Monica Murphy College Years Romance
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