To thoughts of her.
Ten
Gracie
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Hayden squeals when she spots me hiding out in the kitchen, shoving tortilla chips into my mouth.
I pause mid-shove, letting her hug me close and smother me with her Hayden best friend love. “Where have you been?” she murmurs close to my ear just before she pulls away.
I hold up a finger, chewing and swallowing the chips before I speak. “Working. A lot.”
She frowns. “Stupid work.”
I feel bad that I haven’t seen her, though part of the reason has nothing to do with work, and everything to do with me and Caleb hanging out—as friends only. I don’t tell anyone what Caleb and I are up to because I don’t want their automatic assumptions that will then turn into judgment, though I think Eli is on to our game. It’s kind of hard for us to hide that we’re hanging out together by choice when we all live together. And while Eli is gone a lot—he’s always with Ava—he did catch the two of us on the couch together one night, looking guilty as hell with messed-up hair and rumpled clothing.
Caleb had been tickling me. That’s it. But it looked like more, and we didn’t bother with explanations. Eli took one look at us, shook his head and sighed, and then went to his room without a word.
What Caleb and I are doing is nothing. We’re just spending time together. No kissing. No real touching. It’s like we got the kiss out of our system and we’re cool just being friends.
At least that’s what I tell myself when I wake up in the middle of the night, aching over some dream I had where Caleb and I are naked together.
Tonight is the first time the gang has been together in a while, and Eli and Caleb decided to throw a party, a last celebration before practice kicks into high gear and their schedules turn hectic. It’s nearing the end of July, three weeks since we started our friendship pact, as I like to call it.
Caleb calls it the cock-block pact. He’s tried to put the moves on me a couple of times, but I always push him off. Kissing him like I did on the 4th of July was too intense. He made me feel too much. Contemplate things I have no business considering.
“It’s not so bad. I really like it there.” I do. It’s fun. An easygoing job on the water, spending time in the sun every day, dealing with happy tourists who, for the most part, are thrilled to be on vacation and away from their everyday lives. Plenty of locals come in too.
Soon enough I’ll be leaving and starting my student teaching job, which is daunting. I don’t doubt my abilities. I have confidence in myself that I’ll be a great teacher, only because I love teaching so much. I enjoy teaching little kids, spending time with them, shaping their young minds.
After my year of student teaching, I’m on my own. I’ll need to find a job and I’m willing to go…anywhere. I don’t necessarily want to stay in the Fresno area, but I will if I find the right fit at the right school. A change would be nice, though.
But a change means leaving everyone. Hayden is going to stick around until Tony graduates with his degree. She already admitted this to me a while ago, and that’s fine. Props to her for knowing what she wants.
I guess that’s my biggest problem. I just flat-out don’t know what I want. I thought the past four years of college taught me a few things, but right now, I feel more confused than ever. Spending all this time with an assembly line of guys hasn’t helped matters either.
“Hey,” Hayden says, her soft voice pulling me out of my thoughts. I blink her back into focus to find she’s watching me with a concerned expression on her face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, pasting on a cheery smile. “Just thinking. Kind of tired. You know how it is.”
She tilts her head to the side, studying me with that examining way she has. Like she can see inside my head and know exactly what I’m thinking. “You know, I keep hearing—rumors about you.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“You and Caleb.” She sends me a pointed look. “If you’ve been keeping something from me, you need to spill. I’m your best friend. I deserve to know.”
A sigh leaves me and I glance over my shoulder onto our tiny back patio, where all the guys are currently standing. Including Caleb, who’s already watching me. A slow smile spreads across his face when we make eye contact and he lifts his beer bottle as if he’s toasting me.
I look away quickly, returning my attention to Hayden. “There’s not much to tell, that’s why I haven’t mentioned it.”
Her expression turns shrewd. “I absolutely do not believe you. Your cheeks are turning pink at this very moment and nothing makes you blush, Gracie! Are you and Caleb actually together?”
She squeaks out those last words and I shush her, grabbing her hand and pulling her in closer so no one else can hear me. “No, we’re not.” I pause. “We’re just friends. Really.”
The shocked look on Hayden’s face is vaguely amusing. “Oh my God, you’re lying, I know you are! Tony is going to shit when I tell him.”
“Stop! Calm down,” I tell her through clenched teeth, not wanting others to hear us. “There’s nothing happening between us beyond one night of kissing. That’s it.”
Well, and some other moments when we kissed, but I won’t mention them.