“Me too,” Jocelyn deadpans, making all of us laugh. “Seriously, it’s still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I’m a mom sometimes. That I’m responsible for that little being.”
“You and Diego are doing a pretty good job of it,” Ava says.
“I know everyone thought we couldn’t do it, but look at us.” Jocelyn smiles, seemingly proud. “We’re still together. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier either.”
“You two want more kids?” Ava asks.
“Oh yeah, but not for a while,” Jocelyn says with all the confidence of a woman who knows exactly what she wants and when. “I want us both graduated from college first. Gigi will just be the big sister of the family.”
“I want four kids,” Ava declares, making Hayden gasp out loud. “What? I’m serious. Eli wants six!”
“I can barely stand the idea of one,” Hayden says, trepidation in her eyes.
“I can’t imagine being a mom either,” I confess. “Right now, I’m scared about starting my career and how much responsibility that comes with it. I can’t wrap my head around being a parent.”
“You just kind of—do it,” Jocelyn says with a shrug. “I was only seventeen when I got pregnant, but I knew in my heart I would do what I had to and make sure I raised my baby with as much love as I could give her.”
“You’re strong, though,” I tell her, my voice low. Everyone’s head swivels in my direction, and I kind of feel put on the spot. “Sometimes, I don’t think I’m that strong at all.”
“That’s not true,” Hayden says. “You’re one of the strongest girls I know.”
“Women,” Ava corrects with a nod, making Hayden smile and nod her acknowledgment. “Seriously, Gracie. You’re brave as hell. What are you talking about?”
“I’m nervous about student teaching,” I admit. “Of being done with college. It feels like I’ve been leading up to this moment for so long, and now it’s here and I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“See, that’s the thing. When do we ever know if we’re ready?” Jocelyn asks. “Never, that’s when. It’s hard to determine that. We’re just…living life, you know? And we deal with things as they come at us. That’s the best we can do. You can prepare and plan for the future as much as you want, but life always manages to throw a few surprises at us. You just—do it.”
“That’s how life happens in general,” Hayden adds. “Nothing happens like we plan, you know?”
I think of my situation with Caleb, and how I’m trying to prepare myself for taking the next step with him—and how much I doubt it’ll work.
Is that my problem? Maybe Caleb and I should cut to the chase. Forget the kissing sessions. Just do it like Jocelyn says and get right to the fucking.
Okay, I’ve been spending way too much time with him. Now I’m starting to sound like him in my thoughts.
“We never really know if we’re ready for whatever comes our way. We just have to handle it as it comes,” Ava says with all that confidence she has. It comes from growing up in a household where they were always encouraged to dream. They were never told they couldn’t do something. My parents did the best they could, but they always set limits on me, and that sucked. Whatever frivolous dream I had when I was younger, my mother always told me was impossible. At one point in my early teens, I mentioned to her that I wanted to be an artist.
You can’t make money drawing all day.
Another time, I said I wanted to be a photographer.
Good luck with that—there are so many out there, how can you compete?
My mom isn’t a bad person. She’s just practical to the point of being a downer sometimes. Any hopes and dreams I might’ve had, she squashed completely. Dad always agreed with whatever she said, not wanting to cause a fight when it came to me. After a while, I quit talking to her about my future. When I informed my parents that I wanted to be a teacher, Mom praised me for making a solid career choice.
And then insulted me by saying the job would be low paying but with my pretty face, I’d be sure to find a husband to take care of me.
Ouch.
Sometimes I feel like I set limits on myself—still to this day. I blame my parents—specifically Mom—for that.
“Says the girl who’s been handed everything she could ever want her entire life,” Jocelyn teases, nudging Ava in the ribs.
Ava laughs. “Whatever. I miss Ellie. She’d support my statement.”
We all grow sober, every one of us missing Ellie. She’s currently on tour with Jackson—still. His career has exploded, and they’ll be going on tour in Europe in the fall. Living her absolute best life, gaining more and more followers on her social media accounts as she chronicles her experiences as the girlfriend of one of the more successful singers currently taking the world by storm.
Who knew that things would blow up so epically for Jackson and Ellie? He treated her like an afterthought for so long, it took her trying to find someone new to wake him up and realize he had the perfect girl for him by his side all along.