“Well, if you want to be my girlfriend, then you’ll have to get used to it.”
His eyes teased, and Abby raised a brow. “Who said I wanted to be your girlfriend?”
“I’m pretty sure last night while our heads were bent over our calc book you mentioned it.”
Abby tried to fight the smile tugging at the corner of her lips but failed. At least he’d gotten his sense of humor back, even if his sole purpose was to torture her.
She turned her attention back to the road, grinning like an idiot, when reality hit her again.
She had received the letter from GG about the safety deposit key and had yet to go find it. Was she stalling? Preferring the safety of the journal to something more tangible?
What a crappy granddaughter she was. It was one thing to suck at secret-solving, but she didn’t want to fail GG. She swallowed over the sudden tightness in her throat.
“You look...I don’t know, tired or something. Everything okay?” Kaden asked.
She felt his gaze on the side of her face.
“Yeah. I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all, and there was this thing I was supposed to do,” she said, thinking of the key. “I didn’t get a chance to last night. It’ll be fine though. I’ll go after school.”
“Does this have to do with your grandmother?”
Abby’s head whipped in his direction. “How did you know?”
He shrugged, saying nothing. Silence spread between them like a thick blanket, forming a barrier between them in the tiny car until she felt the need to push it away.
“Have you ever had a secret?” she blurted.
The moment the words left her mouth, a surge of adrenaline spiked her veins. Could she really tell him after being warned not to?
The summer before her freshman year, her family took a trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains. They rented a cute log cabin, nestled among the trees. Days filled with hiking, exploring, and her parents tasting local wine. It was one of the most low-key vacations they had taken as a family, but on the last day, they went white water rafting. Her grandfather stayed behind while the four of them—her mom, dad, GG, and herself—donned bright-orange life vests and helmets and readied themselves for an adventure.
Nerves zipped through her belly as they waited. She remembered the way the water vibrated underneath the raft. The sheer power of it was a force to be reckoned with, and all at once, she had wanted to get off. She had changed her mind. All she could think about was jumping out of the boat to safety, but her reticence to tell her parents she no longer wanted to be a part of the experience stopped her.
The ride had been slow at first, lulling her into a false sense of security, until the water grew choppier all at once. They had to work together, all of them paddling at the same time, while her father shouted instructions. The waves tossed their raft like it weighed nothing, but they managed to stay afloat, their arms straining with the effort—muscles quaking. Foamy caps of water lashed at them, sending spray everywhere. Waves dipped and lifted the boat until her stomach fell to the ground by her feet.
Fear and exhilaration pumped through her but staying afloat meant keeping a level head, so she pressed on, telling herself she was capable while relishing the thrill of it, and before she knew it, they had returned to still water. Their raft coasted, giving her a chance to catch her breath, to soak it all in. Her limbs quaked. The rush from the ride was still with her as they came to a stop. And when she got out of the raft, she wanted to do it all over again. Because the ride, though scary, had been worth it.
As she glanced over at Kaden, that’s exactly how she felt now. Like the ride might be worth it, even if it felt scary in the moment. And so, she asked again.
“Have you ever had a secret that could affect people? Something big and possibly life-changing? Not what girl your friend likes or what you got someone for their birthday, but a real secret.”
Kaden’s forehead creased in concentration as he stared out the windshield thinking, and she loved the way he didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t reply with little thought but instead, took his time to assess, to really think before he spoke.
“No. I don’t think so.” He shrugged. “I don’t have any close friends. All I have is my family, and there’s nothing secretive there. So, no, I don’t think I have.”
Turning to her, his eyes searched her face as she came to a red light and glanced over at him. “Why? Abby is everything okay?”
She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to explain about the letters, the journal, and what she had discovered about Lawson and see what it all meant. Part of her wanted to tell him how much she missed GG and how she didn’t allow herself to think about it too much for fear of losing control. She wanted to tell him about how she’s supposed to go search for the key but was afraid.
The words were all there, poised and ready at the tip of her tongue. All she had to do was open her mouth and open her heart enough to share herself with him.
Blinking, she stared into his big brown eyes as he waited in anticipation. But instead of letting go and settling down into the raft, ready to traverse the waves, she got off. Maybe it was GG’s words circling her head like vultures—tell no one—or maybe it was the fear of the secret itself, that this thing might be bigger than she could ever imagine, but she said nothing about the letters or the journal entries or the private investigator.
Instead, she asked, “How do you feel about skipping school?”
Maybe she couldn’t get on the raft, but she’d dip a toe in the water.
“DON’T LOOK SO SHOCKED.” Abby frowned.