CHAPTER ELEVEN
Susan woke up suddenly. At first she couldn't tell what had disturbed her. But as she remembered where she was, she realized that Ravyn was twitching while he slept. She started to shrug it off and go back to sleep, but something in the way he moved reminded her of someone caught in a nightmare they couldn't wake up from.
"Ravyn?" She gently shook him.
Before she could blink, he seized her in a fierce grip and whipped her over him, onto her back. His breathing was ragged as he growled a sound so feral that she half-expected him to rip out her throat.
"Ravyn!" she shouted, afraid he might hurt her before he came to his full senses.
He froze for a full ten seconds before his touch gentled. He dipped his head down to inhale deeply by her hair as if savoring her scent. "Susan?"
"Yes."
He pulled back and ran his hands over her as if assuring himself that he hadn't broken anything. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No," she whispered, trying to ignore just how good his hands felt roaming her body. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." He got up from the mattress and moved toward the door. She couldn't really see him until he opened it and the light from outside illuminated his tough stance. He'd removed his shirt and wore nothing but the black jeans as he stepped across the hall to the bathroom.
Susan didn't move while she waited for his return. When he came back to bed, his hair was damp as if he'd washed his face and then raked his hands through it. He wiped the back of his hand over his face before he shut the door and rejoined her on the bed.
He turned his back to her as if nothing had happened. But even so she could sense his unrest. There was an aura of deep sadness and something else she couldn't quite place. His actions reminded her of a tough kid who glared at the world through angry eyes. One who wanted nothing more than kindness and yet any time someone tried to offer it, he rebuffed them rather than take a chance on being hurt again.
There in the darkness, Ravyn's pain reached out to her and it made her want to soothe him.
"You want to talk about it?"
Ravyn lay there with visions of his nightmare still tormenting him. He really hated to sleep. It was the only time he was truly vulnerable. Awake, he could control his thoughts and emotions. Then as soon as he slept, all the things he wanted to forget came back with a vicious clarity. If he could, he'd purge those memories from him entirely.
But they were his memories and his feelings. Two things he didn't like to share with anyone else.
"Not really."
He could sense Susan's disappointment. But what confused him was her gentle kindness that was all but unknown to him. He didn't understand why it was important to her that she try to soothe his unrest.
She rolled over on the mattress so that she was facing his back. When she spoke, her tone was low and comforting. "You know, when I was a little girl, I used to have these awful dreams about..." She hesitated as if considering whether she should continue. With a soft laugh, she admitted her nightmare. "Well, okay, my mother's dolls coming alive while I slept. It was kind of stupid, but it used to scare me to death. "
Ravyn let out a tired breath even though he appreciated what she was trying to do. "I assure you, I'm not dreaming about dolls, Susan."
"I know. But whenever I woke up from my nightmare, my mother would always make me tell her what I'd been dreaming- no matter how stupid it seemed. She said that when you talk about it, you get it out of your mind so that you can dream about good things instead."
"I don't want to talk about it."
But then he felt her hand in his hair, gently stroking his scalp. "Okay."
Ravyn closed his eyes as a foreign emotion went through him. He couldn't remember the last time someone had offered him comfort. The last time a woman had touched him like this. She moved her hand lower, over his shoulder to his arm, where she gently rubbed his biceps. Her touch... no, her kindness singed him with heat.
Susan didn't say a word as she rubbed his back. She merely lay there, comforting him, gliding her hand along his flesh. Reminding him that he wasn't alone in the darkness. Reminding him that it was okay to be human. He didn't sense her judging him. She didn't think him weak or ineffectual.
And before he realized what he was doing, he was speaking to her about his nightmare. "It's always the same memory..." he whispered. "I'm meeting Isabeau by the lake where I first saw her. She was a merchant's daughter in the town that wasn't far from our village. She and a small group of her friends had been picnicking when my brothers and I were passing through. They'd waved to us, and Dorian had headed for them. "
Ravyn could still see that day so clearly in his mind. It'd been an absolutely perfect warm spring day. The three of them had ridden to town for supplies and were on their way home. He and Dorian were on horseback while Phoenix drove the cart.
The women had been laughing and drinking wine... a lot of wine. Before Ravyn and his brothers had ridden by, the women had been bathing in the lake. Then they'd climbed out to sun themselves on the banks. Half-dressed in soggy chemises that kept falling off their bare shoulders to expose their better assets and giddy from their play, the women had actually catcalled to him and his brothers.
But he left those details out of his story as he told it to Susan. "Since Phoenix was mated, he'd gone on ahead while Dorian and I joined the women. They offered us food and wine." And other things best left unsaid. "I don't know why, but I was instantly attracted to Isabeau. There was something about her that seemed more vivacious than the rest of her companions."
Susan felt an inexplicable stab of jealousy at his words. She didn't like the idea of him cavorting with another woman. But she didn't say anything while he continued to talk.
"After it started getting late, the women packed up to return home. So Isabeau and I made plans to meet again in a few days. Alone."
"You were on the make."
"Yeah, and she wasn't a virgin." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "She was a woman with a hefty appetite and I didn't mind being her main course."
Susan had to force herself not to yank a hank of his hair at that. Bastard.
But then he'd paid dearly for his dalliance with the little tart. It was something Susan wouldn't wish on her worst enemy.
Ravyn took a deep breath before he continued. "One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, we'd set up our meetings fairly regularly."
She frowned at his words. "Weren't you afraid of making her pregnant?"