I froze for a moment, wondering if those last few words had a double meaning behind them. I couldn’t be sure. But as I climbed the lowest rung of the fence and Hunter put his hands on my hips to help lift me up, the dizzying feeling was back.
It wouldn’t help to be dizzy on the back of a horse. So as soon as my rear end settled on Carolina’s back, I took a few deep and cleansing breaths. It felt odd, sitting up here, with nothing to hold onto. My knees awkwardly bumped against her sides. I fluttered my hands, unsure whether I could hold onto the bottom of her mane. I didn’t want to hurt her.
“Hunter, am I doing this right?” I asked, turning toward him.
But Hunter was already stepping up the fence and settling onto the horse behind me. My whole body froze as I felt him press up against me. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. My heart raced as if I’d been given VIP passes to a BTS concert. And when his arms wrapped around me to place the reins in my hands, I nearly had a stroke.
“Here, hold them like this.” He gently maneuvered my fingers in a certain way to hold the reins. His breath was warm on my neck. I shivered, despite the heat.
Crud. This was not what I’d had in mind for this tutoring session. There was no way I would be able to concentrate on the lesson when my entire body was feeling hot for teacher.
Just friends.
“We’re going to do a few slow and easy rounds,” he said. I could feel him nudge Carolina into a walk with the heels of his boots. I bit my lip, trying my best to keep my thoughts on the horse. “Then, I’ll hop off and see how you handle it yourself.”
Slow sounded good. Kind of like the slow and easy way he’d kissed me last night.
Shoot. That was not where my mind was supposed to go.
Despite t
he inability to concentrate with Hunter so close, I somehow managed to stay up on the horse for those couple rounds. And when he finally hopped off, I even stayed on as I pressed Carolina into an easy trot. We quickly progressed to the Western saddle, which seemed like a breeze after riding bareback for an hour. And by the end of the session, I was riding like a pro around the ring with my hair flowing behind me in the breeze.
“You’re a natural,” Hunter said, coming over to grab Carolina’s reins as I pulled her to a stop. He smiled up at me, his eyes lighting up. “You’re gonna do great on Friday. You can ride Carolina for the show. She knows how to follow a lead. Two figure eights on the arena and then you’re done.”
I nodded, feeling a bit more confident. Tomorrow, the contestants had to judge an event. Then, on Friday was the rodeo and crowning. I could do this. After nailing the catwalk this morning, I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time.
“Come on,” Hunter said, pulling Carolina into a walk in the direction of the barn. “Let’s go brush her down. She deserves it, after that workout.”
I sat on the saddle, holding onto the horn, as Hunter walked ahead. He’d been unusually quiet this whole time, even though he was still an awesome teacher. Without his instruction, there was no way I would’ve stayed in that saddle. But his quietness bothered me. If we were going to pretend that last night had never happened, he couldn’t act like that. He had to be the old Hunter. The one who joked, and smiled, and tugged on my hair when I wasn’t paying enough attention to him.
Not this reserved, brooding cowboy who stared at his feet in silence the whole way back to the barn.
The Oakie boys must’ve finished cleaning out the barn, because it was silent when we got there, except for a few whinnies from the horses down the aisle. Hunter stopped Carolina in the same place as before and hooked the ropes to her reins to keep her in place. He turned to me, his frown deepening as he patted the horn.
“Always dismount on the left side,” he said, paying more attention to the saddle than to me. “Hold on to the horn. Swing your right leg back, and slide off.”
I nodded, following his directions. That sounded easy enough. As I slid down, I felt his hands on my waist, guiding me gently to the ground. That sweet way he touched me was enough to make me melt into a pool at his feet. The moment his hands left my waist, I turned slowly toward him. Hunter still stood awfully close. Too close. He was studying me with his hazel eyes, sparks of indecision returning to the pupils as he worked his jaw.
“Charlotte...about yesterday.”
Oh, no. I thought the plan had just been to avoid. I wasn’t ready for a confrontation. I’d already gotten used to the idea of pretending nothing had happened.
“Yeah?” I flashed him a tight-lipped smile.
“I just...” He turned his head to stare hard at the stall, his brow lowering over his solemn eyes. “I think we should talk about what happened, don’t you?”
I nodded, even as my mouth went dry. “Okay, sure.”
His eyebrows rose when he glanced up at me. “Charlotte, you know you’re my best friend. I would hate to ruin that.” He took a deep breath, indecision shining in his eyes until he licked his lips and blew it out. “And...that’s why we can’t let whatever happened between us last night happen again.”
My knees wobbled slightly. It felt like I’d been stabbed with a thin blade between my ribs. But why? This was what I’d wanted, right? For him to say it was wrong. That it never should’ve happened. That we needed to preserve our friendship. So, why did it hurt so much?
I felt so pathetic for jumping him like I did last night. What he must’ve thought of me...
“Y-y-yeah, you’re totally right.” I gestured with my hands, and gave him a helpless smile. Panic had taken over my brain. I couldn’t be sure what was going to come out of my mouth next. “You know, that kiss was just for practice, anyway.”
It seemed that the only thing I could do was save my own pride. After all, I didn’t have much of it left these days. I had to save every last drop of it that I could.