I grasped that hand for dear life. I clutched it for all I was worth. I could never let her go, now that I had her. I had to find a way to keep her for good. “Absolutely. You’re the one thing I always knew I could count on. Even when I couldn’t face you, just knowing you were there, helped me. It gave me an anchor to hang onto. You were always the one true and solid thing in my life, even when I couldn’t see any hope anywhere else.”
Her face lit up, and her eyes misted over with tears. “I never stopped thinking about you. That’s what really hurt. I always thought you found somebody else.”
I shook my head. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”
She tried to smile, but her lips twisted the wrong way. “I’m just relieved. I’m just happy that now I finally understand.”
God, I wanted to hold her right then. Clinging to her hand would never be enough. I should have told her in a quiet cafe instead of this noisy restaurant, somewhere I could put my arms around her and kiss her like she needed.
She blinked th
e tears away and raised her shining face to me. Now she really did smile, a glorious smile like the one I remembered from her early days. All the icy frost that separated her from me melted away, and the sun shone out of her eyes.
I could see she wanted to hold me, too. Her lips twitched, and her eyes danced around my face. She didn’t know where to look or what to do. She smiled at me so long I got embarrassed. Me! I never got embarrassed around women before, but just then, we should have been alone together in a private room. Anybody looking at us could see our most private, intimate moment spread out in public.
I let go of her hand and sat back. This wasn’t right, and I didn’t want to step on her toes by making it any more intense than it already was. She understood and withdrew her hand into her lap. We both turned to our menus and said no more about it.
She said almost nothing for the rest of the meal. When the waiter came, she waved her hand. “You know this place better than I do. You order for both of us.”
I ordered her the filet. I’d had it enough times before, and I wanted her to have the best. She beamed at me from across the table. Every time I looked at her, I caught her giving me the same shining look. I didn’t have to hold her hand. I didn’t have to put my arms around her. She was right there, with me. She always would be.
12
Victoria
Neither of us said anything on the drive back to my place, but I couldn’t stop my mind whirling. I never felt closer to Brady than now. He really did care. He didn’t dump me back in college the way I always thought he did. He suffered a lot worse than I did, and he came through it strong and sure. He came through it still caring about me after I turned my back on him.
What was I going to do now? I couldn’t lie to him, not after what he told me at the restaurant. All the barriers between us, all the old resentment and hostility—none of it meant a thing now. If I looked him in the eye, if I kissed him or touched his skin, I had to come clean. I couldn’t face him otherwise.
The Porsche purred through the streets. The headlights swept right and left when Brady turned corners and angled off the freeway. That silence stretched on and on. It would never end until one of us said something, and I wasn’t about to be the first.
It was a comfortable silence, a silence in which everything that needed to be said had been said and would be said. We could live in that silence for years, decades even. That silence accused me more than anything. I hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, and I should have.
He came clean. Now it was my turn. Somehow, though, that silence just got longer and longer. One intersection and one street corner after another passed by, and I didn’t say it. The silence got heavier and more oppressive until I couldn’t sit still anymore. I had to get away from Brady, even as I longed with all my heart to hold him and take shelter in him.
The car pulled up in front of my house. Brady got out and opened my door for me the way he always did. He walked me up to the step, but instead of going inside, I turned around to face him. “I’m going inside now, Brady. Maybe I’ll see you later. I had a really nice time tonight.”
Faster than the eye could see, he flew at me and kissed me. He pressed me so tight I could barely breathe. His lips sucked the air from my lungs. Before I knew it, I got all tangled up in him. I couldn’t keep away from him. Some force stronger than both of us drew us together.
His hands ranged all up and down my back. He nestled his warm fingers around my neck under my hair, and my whole spine sagged into his embrace. I couldn’t stop myself when he touched me like that.
His other hand glided down my back to the arch where my ass rounded outward. He squeezed me against him until I moaned in open desire. I wanted him so much, but I couldn’t have him.
His cock swelled against my dress, and he rubbed it back and forth. My tissues unfurled their swollen petals, and my juices wet my panties. If only I could take him inside and forget everything else, he would make everything all right again, at least for a little while.
I tore myself out of his embrace and gasped for air. “I’m sorry.”
He eased me back to stare into my eyes. “Let’s go inside. We can do this better there.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Then what is it?”
“It’s just that....” Even I didn’t understand what it was. Why couldn’t I let myself get close to him? Why did I have to keep coming up with excuses to hold him at a distance? “It’s just that.... after what you told me....”
He frowned. “What about it? I thought telling you would bring us closer. I wouldn’t have told you if I thought it would drive us apart.”
I seized his hand. “It has brought us closer together. That’s what I’m trying to say. It seems like...this thing between us.... I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It’s fragile right now. It’s delicate, and it needs protection. That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to do anything to endanger it.”