Her hands paused for a moment before she reached for the smaller pot and gently worked the flower out. I knew Abby, and I knew she knew the meaning of every flower she’d planted and loved.
Her chin trembled for the briefest of moments before she spoke. “It’s called a Galanthus nivalis. Or a snowdrop. The first flower blooms at the end of winter, beginning of spring, and it’s a symbol of hope.”
She filled in the pot and made sure the plant was straight. “There, that should give her some room to grow. Maybe you could have Ken come in and water her. She’s made it this far. I’d hate to see her die.”
I stood and walked closer to her, and when I touched her hand, she froze. Closing her eyes, she stood perfectly still.
Leaning down, I brushed my lips across her ear and whispered, “Breathe, Abs.”
She drew in a shaking breath, then spun around to face me.
Tears streamed down her face. “I left because I was afraid to get pregnant again. I knew you wanted to have another baby, and the idea of it scared me to death. I was so, so lost, and I had no idea how to make you feel better when I couldn’t even figure out what in the hell was wrong with me. Looking back now, I don’t know why I couldn’t talk to you about it. I was just too messed up in the head to even think clearly.”
She wiped her tears away. “I reasoned with myself that if I left, if I gave you a chance to just forget about me, you’d be able to have the family you wanted so much, because at the time I…I wasn’t sure I could. I was so afraid to go through that hurt again. I’d never felt so lost!”
I took a step closer and cupped her face in my hands. “Abby, all I wanted was you.”
Sobs ripped from deep within her, and she collapsed into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and let her cry. After a minute or two, she drew back.
“I know that now. I knew that the day of our divorce hearing, and I wanted to beg you to forgive me. I nearly dropped to my knees outside of that damn courtroom when you said we didn’t have anything to talk about. All those times you called or texted…I was so afraid to tell you how scared I was. How messed up my head was, and how ashamed I was for walking away from you…from everyone. I felt so ashamed.”
She sucked in a shaky breath and went on. “I was a coward for hiding, for being too damn afraid to simply talk to you and tell you how I felt. I blamed myself for the loss of the baby, and I needed to punish myself for disappointing you.”
“What?” I gasped as I placed my finger under her chin, lifting it until our eyes met. “Abby, it was not your fault! You never disappointed me by losing the baby. Never.”
Her chin trembled. “I know that now, Bishop. But in my head then…I didn’t know anything. All I knew was sadness and anger and fear. By the time I got my head straight, it had been a year since I’d left. You wouldn’t take my calls, so I came back to Boggy Creek to talk to you. I came by the house, but you weren’t here. A kid named Jack said you went out with Kyle and Hunter. That I would most likely find you at Brew’s Place.”
Abby stepped away from me and wiped away more tears. “I went there to look for you. I needed to talk to you, to tell you everything. To beg you to forgive me.”
A sickness started in the pit of my stomach and slowly made its way up, burning at the back of my throat. I knew exactly what she was going to say.
She’d seen me with another woman.
“When I walked in, I saw Kyle and Hunter both dancing with some girls who looked like tourists. I didn’t know them. I kept out of sight and made my way back toward the bathrooms. There was a dark corner, so I started for it, thinking I could wait there until I saw you.”
“Stop,” I whispered. “Please, Abby.”
Her eyes filled with tears again, but she held them back as she went on. “You wanted to know the truth, Bishop, and I have to tell you everything. The reason I stopped coming home to Boggy Creek was because I saw you with someone…and I didn’t need to look for very long to see what was happening. I turned and ran for the bathroom and threw up. Then I slipped out the back door, got in my car and drove back to Boston.”