“What?” Sam asked. I hadn’t realized I’d made any sound and glanced at him. He added, “You did that little worried sigh thing instead of your annoyed/stressed sigh. Though this sigh is also stressed.”
I had to smile before I said, “Bree’s ‘a little dizzy,’ which means a lot.”
“Shit. What happens if she can’t perform this afternoon? Or tonight?”
“I don’t know. It’s never happened before.” The knot in my stomach tied itself into loop after loop. “If I’d caught her—”
“You did! You broke her fall.”
“She still hit her head.”
Sam sat up straighter. “Dude. You two were standing on the ice talking to your coach and she dropped like a stone. It was your quick reflexes that saved her from cracking her skull open. It’s not your fault.”
I shuddered to remember the movement from the corner of my eye as she went down. I’d lunged and then we were both on the ice. She’d hung limp in my arms, so pale I was afraid she was dead.
“It’s. Not. Your. Fault,” Sam repeated, poking me in the side with each word.
“She was dehydrated. I should have told Yaroslav she needed another day off after that flu.”
“Right, but she insisted she was fine, and neither of you wanted to look weak.”
“It wasn’t as if Yaroslav would have even paid attention to us that day. But if anyone has to skip training, then he’ll sure as hell pay attention.”
“He sucks. Have you guys ever thought… I dunno. That maybe it’s not worth it to train there?”
My heart skipped, bile rising in my throat. What was it all for if we didn’t get to the Olympics? Was it worth it? I squashed the fear down. “We can’t just leave. You don’t walk away from the best coach and the top training center.”
I jumped to my feet, anxious energy taking control. I said, “Anyway, it’s the holidays. You’re on vacation. You don’t need to worry about this stuff.”
Sam frowned. “It’s not a problem or whatever. We can talk about this.”
“I know! It’s cool.” There was already such a massive thing I couldn’t talk to Sam about, and fear tugged at me. It was all snowballing. I needed to get in control of my feelings. My life. But not now. Later. “You hungry? Let’s eat.”
I tapped out a quick reply to Bree, telling her to take as long as she needed. It was ten, and the matinee was at three, so hopefully she’d be feeling steady by then.
The hotel restaurant was way out of my budget, so we walked down into the village. It teemed with people. The little shops had Boxing Day sale signs in the windows in French and English, and sun glinted off fresh snow on the ski hills rising up. I pushed the worry and fear away. I was with Sam in this awesome place, and we could enjoy the next couple of hours.
“Hey, Sam!”
We turned at the door of a cafe, and a beautiful girl approached, smiling brightly. My heart sank. She was the woman from reception Sam had gone out of his way to be nice to last night. It shouldn’t bother me. Of course he should be nice to her! I should be too. She got him in to see me skate.
Jealousy still knifed me in the gut.
“Hi, Alice.” Sam smiled. “You remember Etienne?”
“Of course.” She turned her friendly grin to me. “Your skater BFF.” She wore sleek snowpants and a matching jacket in deep purple that looked great with her brown skin and metallic lipstick. Her black toque had ear flaps and she should have been on a tourism poster.
I tried to smile back. “Hello.” We were blocking the door and shuffled a few steps over on the little pedestrian street. A huge bough of mistletoe under a massive bow was attached to the lamppost behind us. It mocked me.
To Sam, Alice said, “What are you up to while your pal works?”
He shrugged. “Just chilling.”
“If you want to come snowboarding with us, we have an extra pass.” She gestured over her shoulder toward a small group who were hanging back waiting for her. “My friend works at the ski resort and can sneak us in past the rental lines and hook us up with boards. The lift lines will still be brutal, but it’ll be way faster.”
“Oh, thanks! That sounds cool. I don’t have ski pants, though,” Sam said. “And I would fall a lot.”
She laughed. “You can rent the pants too. And same, trust me.”
“Cool. Maybe? We were just getting breakfast though, and you look ready.”
“Grab it to go!” She reached out and touched his arm. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
Sam had dated girls before. There was no reason for me to want Alice to go snowboard off a cliff. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this stupidly jealous, and it was not a good look. So I said, “You should go! I ate too much last night anyway. Coffee will do before the matinee. Besides, I need to check on Bree.” I backed away from Sam, who blinked at me in confusion.