“Of course it’s my fault! And why did you tell us to go on that isolated trail? We drove out to the middle of nowhere and now she’s gone.”
Face creasing, Ben whispered, “I’m so sorry. I’ll get her back. I promise. God, I’m sorry.”
In the face of Ben’s guilt, Jason’s rage dissipated, whooshing out of him like air from a balloon. “No. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.” He shut his eyes, trembling as he clung to Ben’s coat, leaning into him. “She’s alone. Maggie’s alone with that killer. What if she fights him and he hurts her? I always taught her to fight. To kick and bite and scream if someone tried to grab her. But he had a gun and…”
“She’s a smart girl.” Ben’s warm breath ghosted over Jason’s skin. “She’s leaving us a trail. She’ll get through this.”
“I never should have brought her to Montana. If we’d stayed home, she’d be safe.” He opened his eyes, staring into Ben’s. “I was supposed to keep her safe.”
Ben gently pushed Jason’s damp hair off his forehead, and Jason leaned into his palm. “You couldn’t have known this would happen. You’re not to blame. Do you hear me?”
“Everyone said I wouldn’t be able to do it. That I was too young.” He gasped, his lungs tightening unbearably. “They said I should give her up. My parents tried to take her. They said it would be better, and I could go to college and be normal and Maggie would be my sister instead. I wouldn’t. She’s mine, my child. But they were right. I can’t do it. I’ve lost her.”
Ben enunciated carefully. “Bullshit. Listen to me. You’re a wonderful father.” He held the back of Jason’s neck. “You brought her to Montana because it was her dream. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong.”
Jason was still gripping Ben’s slick jacket, and his icy fingers relaxed. His legs shook, and Ben eased him to the ground, both of them on their knees.
From the corner of his eye, Jason caught a flash of red on Ben’s wrist in the weak light. He reached for it, sucking in a breath at the angry hives.
“From the bear spray? I did this. I’m so sorry.” He held Ben’s hand in his, aching to make it better.
“It’s fading. I’m fine. I’ll put on some Polysporin.”
“I’ll help. It’s in your bag?” At least this he could do. Pulling out a Ziploc bag full of bandages and gauze, he dug in the bottom for the tube of gel. Jason had used it a hundred times on Maggie’s scraped knees and elbows, and he quivered with a pang of longing.
“Here,” he said, twisting off the cap and storing it safely in his pocket. He carefully spread the gel over the hives on one hand and then the other, pushing up Ben’s sleeves to see if there were more. Fortunately there weren’t. Ben breathed softly, warmth whispering across Jason’s cheeks.
Holding Jason’s fingers, he squeezed lightly. “None of this is your fault.”
“But—”
“None of it.” Ben tugged gently, wrapping Jason in his arms.
Shutting his eyes, Jason leaned into the solid warmth, too tired to argue as darkness closed in around them. Ben ran his fingers gently through Jason’s hair. God, it felt so good to be held, and Jason couldn’t find the words to tell Ben to stop, or keep himself from inching closer, pressing his face to the bare skin at Ben’s throat.
It had been so long since he’d been close to anyone but Maggie, since he’d even hugged another adult. So long since he’d let someone else take care of him. But Ben was steady and strong. Secure.
In that moment, all Jason could do was let go and sob.
The night was never going to end.
Huddled next to Ben under an emergency blanket that allegedly would reflect their body heat, Jason fidgeted. After a dinner of beef jerky and protein bars, Ben had spread a blanket underneath them as a groundsheet and pulled another on top. Jason curled on his side, and Ben’s bulk behind him was a comfort.
If only he could sleep.
But how the hell was he supposed to sleep? Keeping it under the lightweight, orange blanket, Jason checked his phone, blinking at the stark light. He knew there was no cell service in the backcountry, but he needed to know the time. His heart sank. Not even midnight.
Ben’s voice was a low rumble. “Do I want to know?”
“Nope.” He shifted restlessly, a stone that felt like a boulder jammed into his hip. He knew he had to try to sleep, but it was impossible. The darkness surrounding them was complete—he could barely even see the shadow of Ben behind him if he craned his neck.
At least it had stopped raining, although drops still fell from leaves rustling in the wind. An owl hooted, and insects chirped. Otherwise it was silent, the forest peaceful.