“I’m not a kid!” Jason shouted, anger suddenly flaring white hot, his parents’ overbearing voices ricocheting through his head. “Just because you’re older… I don’t—I can’t…” He clenched his fists, a riot of emotions tangled on his tongue. “I don’t need you to take care of me. I’m an adult.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Ben lifted his hands, then dropped them. “I’m not saying anything right.”
Jason’s anger simmered into a stew of guilt, confusion, and fear that carved out a hollow calm and realization.
A resolution.
“I’m taking Maggie home tomorrow. She needs familiar surroundings. She needs normalcy. So do I. This has all been too much. My parents said there’s a flight, and I’ll let them take us. Then we’re going home to our apartment, where we can be together, and everything will be okay again. Then I’ll be able to think.”
Ben looked as if he wanted to argue, but nodded instead. “What about you and me?”
“I don’t know. I guess we have to be realistic. You live here. I live across the country. We barely know each other, right?”
“Is that really how you feel? That you don’t know me?”
Jason fidgeted. Ben’s steady, patient gaze bore into him. “I’m not sure what I feel. I need time to work this all out. It’s too much. I have to get Maggie home. She’s my priority. She always has been, and she always will be. You’re not a father. You don’t understand.”
Sucking in a breath, Ben’s spine straightened. He dropped his gaze, voice gravelly. “You’re right. I’m not.”
Damn it. “I’m sorry. I’m the one saying everything wrong. I’m not trying to hurt you. You’ve done so much for me and Maggie. Hurting you is the last thing I want.” He yearned to close the distance between them, but he had to be strong. He couldn’t let Maggie down again. He’d almost lost her, and he had to get her home safely and make everything the way it was.
“Can we still talk? Text, anything?”
“Of course.” The idea of not talking to Ben again seemed impossible. “I just need some time right now.”
Adam’s apple bobbing, Ben asked in a rough voice, “Can I kiss you?”
Jason could only nod, the urge to melt into his arms overwhelming as their lips met, Ben’s callused palm cupping his cheek. But it was only a moment of sweet pressure before Ben stepped back, dropping his hands.
“Call me if you need anything, Jason. Anything. If nothing else, I want to be friends.”
Then he was gone.
Leaning back against the white tiles, Jason squeezed his eyes shut, a desperate need to call Ben back clawing up. But it was all too much—almost losing Maggie, discovering himself with Ben, his parents’ sudden appearance after eight long years. Everything was changing too fast. He couldn’t keep up. Couldn’t breathe.
An inch at a time, Jason’s lungs expanded, and he gasped for air until the threat of burning tears passed and he was in control again.
Maggie closed her eyes as Ben left the bathroom. She was pretty sure he was standing right by her bed, but she was afraid he’d be mad if he knew she was awake, so she didn’t move until she heard his boots walk out of the room and down the hall.
She hadn’t meant to spy.
But she’d woken up thirsty, and she’d seen Dad and Ben in the bathroom mirror through the half-open door. She didn’t hear what they said, but she saw them kiss. It wasn’t that long, but it was a grown-up kiss.
Was Dad gay like Mrs. Wexler? Why hadn’t he said anything? And why did he and Ben look so sad? She loved Ben, and if he and Dad liked each other, why weren’t they happy about it?
He was in there a long time, but he was out of sight of the mirror. Finally she heard the taps run and water splash, and the light went off. She closed her eyes, wondering if she should ask him about kissing Ben.
But she couldn’t figure out the right words, and soon she was sleepy again, listening to him breathe in the chair beside her. She’d ask when it was a better time.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Ah, it’s…lovely.”
Jason bit back a sardonic laugh. His mother was trying, she really was. He peered out of the Town Car at the four-story apartment building where he and Maggie lived on the top floor. It certainly wasn’t lovely, but it was safe and clean despite the aged, brown brick and dated seventies style, one of the white letters missing in the old sign over the front door proclaiming the building The H velock instead of Havelock.
The flight had been delayed, so it was after midnight when the driver pulled up at the curb. Maggie sat between Jason and his mother, his father in the front. Jason held Maggie’s hand, and she still slept on his shoulder as the driver got out to unload their suitcases and take them into the vestibule.