“Looks like you’re having a party?”
I jump out of my skin and whip around to face the room when I hear Richard’s voice behind me. He certainly isn’t someone I expected to see today, although I did know he’d show up at some point, just not here.
He’s holding a large bunch of flowers, which he places on the countertop. Then I stiffen as he shocks the hell out of me by pulling me into his arms for a hug.
The last time I saw him, he’d left me so upset and in pain that I could barely breathe. I don’t know how he can expect my forgiveness.
When his hands loosen, I move out of his reach, and ask, “What are you doing here?” I glance out of the window, hoping Jace is on his way over.
He sighs and runs a hand over his face. “When I went by your place and you weren’t there, I figured I might find you here. Savannah…I…I’ve sworn to uphold the law, and to protect citizens…but I didn’t do that with you. I feel so ashamed that I hurt you. Please, Savannah, believe me when I tell you that I’m sorry for putting my hands on you in anger.”
I glance outside again, but Jace is still surrounded by the children.
Richard follows my gaze. “I asked Jace to give me ten minutes to apologize to you, and he made me promise that I wouldn’t lay a hand on you again… Which I won’t.”
Staying silent, I nod and watch him struggle to find more words because, although I’m surprised with what he’s just said, I need more than an apology to even come close to forgiving him for what he did. It could have been a lot worse, but I still need more.
“I’ve never felt threatened by you before, not like that day. Why?” I wrap my arms around my waist in self-protection.
“I’d been expecting you to break the engagement for months, and I’d kept waiting, and waiting. When you didn’t say anything, I thought we were good. Your words came as a shock, but they didn’t warrant the reaction that you got, especially as I’d been trying to work out a way to break it off myself.”
My mouth hangs open and my arms tighten. I’m completely floored by his words. I shouldn’t be as I’d felt for months that he wasn’t really invested in our relationship.
Richard sags into a chair at the kitchen table and puts his head in his hands. “I was being selfish,” he mumbles, and then lifting his head, he meets my shocked gaze before continuing, “I wanted to keep you…and Erin.”
Erin?
“God, I’m a bastard, and I don’t blame you if you want to thump me or something worse…I’ve left you speechless. I’m not surprised.”
“I don’t understand.” I join him at the table before my legs give way and I end up in a heap on the kitchen floor.
“Erin and I have been on again and off again more times than I can count. When I met you at your father’s funeral, you looked so lost and in need of someone to help you. I wanted to be that person for you. But it wasn’t a selfless act, I needed to be needed right then because of things that were happening in my life. I introduced myself to you and the rest, well, you know. I did, and still do have feelings for you, and I’m trying not to act possessive with you, but it’s difficult.”
He sighs and stares into my eyes. “This is going to sound horrible, but I don’t love you.”
Despite knowing this on some level, I can’t help but flinch…it still stings knowing that my ex-fiancé hadn’t loved me. Seeing the confused hurt on my face, Richard quickly adds, “I do care about you but not the way you should be loved, which is why I’m here offering you an apology and explaining myself. I’ve never done that before, but I owe you so deeply for the physical hurt that I caused when you broke things off with me. It was out of line, regardless of how jealous I was, knowing that you’d finally worked up the courage to end things because of your growing feelings for Jace. Will you forgive me, Savannah?”
I try and wrap my mind around his words and the emotions raging through me. I should say something, but all I can think about is that he had someone else while he was pretending that he wanted to marry me. I know I shouldn’t talk, considering I’ve spent time with Jace before breaking the engagement, but still…
“I think I’m numb,” I finally say in an effort to relieve his worry. “I didn’t expect to hear about another woman, and to be honest, I never expected an apology or anything… Can I ask you, were you with her while we were sleeping together?”
He looks sheepish and won’t meet my gaze.
I have my answer, and a hard lump fills my stomach, making me feel like I’m going to throw up.
“How… I mean, did you want us both?” My mind whirls through our relationship and I find myself trying to remember when we stopped having sex. “You weren’t even having sex with me, at least since we’d been engaged.”
He offers me a wry smile. “After things got serious again with Erin, I couldn’t have sex with you. It wasn’t fair to either of you…but I couldn’t let you go either. You’re so beautiful and your life is so clean. I needed that.”
Now he isn’t making any sense. “What—”
“That doesn’t matter,” Richard brushes me off.
“Are you okay?” Our heads turn at the sound of Jace’s voice.
I find that I’m unable to hide the relief that his presence makes me feel.
Holding my hand out, he moves closer, and takes it into his large one. “Will you stay?”