Here was Fairhaven County, a small town about an hour east of Los Angeles, in California, and was quite a big change from the city life I was used to. My only reason for applying at Fairhaven was because of Kella, who had moved here for Mel.
We had been best friends since we were seven. After Abby, she was the closest person in the world to me. I told her everything. Even after Abby’s death, I had told Kella about still seeing and speaking to my sister. She was the one person who I knew wouldn’t judge me.
Had it not been for Kella, I probably would have offed myself after Abby’s death. That sounds crude, I know, but I had been in such a low place where nothing felt worth living for anymore. Kella had actually deferred school to come back home so she could be closer to me. Now that was true friendship. Not many people would do that for another person, and I never forgot that.
When I’d first told mom about seeing Abby after she’d died, she’d been cautious. She had been concerned that I was breaking down, to the point where she'd had me evaluated and committed to a psychiatric facility. I’d been so angry at mom for that, but the truth was it was probably the best thing she could’ve done for me. I’d needed to learn how to work as one person. As an individual, and I couldn’t do that alone. In hindsight, she must have felt like she was losing me too.
The seeing Abby thing, it wasn’t dreams, or really visions. I suppose I’d call it hallucinating if I had to label it. I could have a full on conversation with her, and I could ask her anything. According to my therapists, this was my mind’s way of coping with her death. They were probably right, only their theory didn’t allow for the times she told me things, which turned out to be true.
It didn’t happen often, in fact the last time was six months ago when she’d told me our father was having an affair. Deciding what to do with that information had been pure hell. Both my parents had just lost a child; how could I tell my mom what I knew? I’d followed dad for a week, eventually catching him with his ‘girlfriend’ who barely looked old enough to drink. After I had confronted him, he’d agreed to tell mom himself. That may or may not have had something to do with me threatening never to speak to him again if I had to be the one to tell her.
The truth was, mom and dad’s relationship had struggled along through Abby’s illness. After her death, things only got worse. A divorce was inevitable. Anna and I could see that, even before we knew of dad’s affair. Mom and dad splitting up had been the best thing for both of them, but that didn’t excuse dad’s affair. I’d forgiven him, but not forgotten, and I probably never would forget.
The door opened and in walked Kella. As soon as she spotted me, she dropped her bags and started screaming.
“Oh my god, you’re here!” She rushed forward, embracing me in a big Kella style hug. I laughed at her enthusiasm. Kella
Roberts had more energy and life than anyone I knew. Our friendship was odd, because we were so different. She was more like Abby than me, which had often caused friction between those two when Abby was still alive. They had possessed the same stubbornness, the same loyalty, and the same love of life. Kella reminded me a lot of my sister, and I loved that.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” Kella squealed again, her arms still around me.
It suddenly hit me again that, at nineteen, I was finally entering college, a year after Abby and I should have been starting together. Before her diagnosis, we used to imagine our lives together at college, away from parents and rules. We were close. Best friends, who could talk about anything. Imagining life without her had been gut-wrenching, and the guilt I felt about moving on with my life scared me.
“Yes! I’m here,” I replied, giggling, her happiness was infectious. I pushed all the thoughts and anxieties out of my head. Kella was comfortable, and I needed comfort more than anything right now. “How are you? Tell me everything.”
“Me? You know, the usual. Studying, working, picking up,” She giggled. Kella had just come out of a relationship. She had been with Mel for close to three years. In her own words, Kella liked ‘boys and girls equally’, so when she spoke of picking up, it could’ve meant anyone.
“Oh? Anyone interesting?” I giggled.
“Nobody worth remembering,” Kella rolled her eyes, “Tell me about you. How’s your mom? And Anna?”
“Good. You just missed mom. They’re well. Anna’s going really well at school, and she’s on the junior national team for basketball this year.”
“Really? That’s awesome!” She squealed, hugging me again, “Coffee?” She raced through to the kitchen. I giggled, Kella was so hyper all of the time, caffeine was really the last thing she needed.
“Great, thanks,” I nodded. I leaned across the kitchen counter as she made the coffee. “I have to organize my classes today. I’m excited about starting,” I admitted, clasping my hands together. Abby’s bracelet hung over my left wrist, each little charm celebrating a milestone in her short life. Kella caught me staring at the bracelet.
“Still having the dreams?” She asked, her dark eyes full of concern. I nodded, ignoring the urge to correct her. They weren’t dreams. ‘Dreams’ implied it wasn’t real.
“Yep. But it’s good. I think it’s my way of dealing with it, you know?” I shrugged. As much as she loved me, and supported me, I knew Kella struggled with the whole dead twin communicating thing, so I usually tried to avoid bringing up the topic.
“Yeah, I know,” Kella smiled, “I’m glad you’re here, Lil.”
“Me too.” I smiled back. “So, tell me everything!” I banged my palms on the counter, forcing lightness into my eyes. I took the cup Kella handed me and followed her into the living room. “Nice to see you’ve unpacked,” I commented wryly.
“Hey, get off my back! I haven’t been here that long!” She rolled her eyes, sinking into a beanbag.
“Uh huh, only a year,” I joked. I sat on the sofa, curling my feet under me, careful not to spill coffee on what looked like a new sofa.
“Brought it last week,” Kella nodded at the sofa. I rolled my eyes again, knowing that meant before that all she’d had was the beanbag she was sitting on. The sofa was comfortable, at least. Falling asleep and waking up five hours later with a headache kind of comfortable.
“So, tell me about school. Who do I avoid, and who do I ass kiss?” I joked, pulling my blonde hair over to one side.
“Nah,” Kella waved her hand, “Stick with me kid, I’ll get you in with the right people. Just watch Professor Rendals. He likes to pay ‘special’ attention to some of his students. And Gordens, if you’re taking History, is a painfully hard marker,” She added. I mentally scrapped History off my electives. The last thing I needed was a professor with a god complex. With my study load I needed as much help as I could get.
I finished my coffee and scrambled to my feet. It was already past noon, I had less than an hour to get myself enrolled.
I was about to become a college student!